Virginia is a multi lingual intercultural relations consultant, health, wellness and neuro language coach, with over 25 years experience. Virginia helps professionals cultivate language skills and adapt to new environments and lifestyles. Virginia explores the role of neuroscience in learning, evolving value systems, and the significance of inner alignment for outer change.

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Virginia Cutchin

<h4
 id="h-virginia-cutchin-is-a-multilingual-intercultural-relations-consultant-a-health-and-wellness-coach-and-a-neurolanguage-coach-in-part-3-of-her-interview-with-jayati-desai-virginia-talks-about-building-trust-based-relationships-and-building-community-through-communication"
 >
 VIRGINIA CUTCHIN
 is a multilingual intercultural relations consultant, a health and
 wellness coach, and a neurolanguage® coach. In part 3 of her
 interview with
 JAYATI DESAI, Virginia talks about building trust-based relationships and building
 community through communication.
 </h4>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Q: How can we make conscious changes in the ways and means we
 communicate, in order to develop authentic connections?
 

 
 VC: It
 comes down to core values and acquired values, and making adjustments.
 We need not negotiate on core values, but we can be flexible with
 acquired values, regardless of how strong they are.
 

 
 I love what you said about communicating versus connecting. Language is
 much more than words. Take a look at the communicative heritage between
 humans and other animals. They communicate well – they exchange a few
 words, but it’s mostly tone of voice and how they approach, whether it’s
 welcoming or menacing. We have this enormous communicative power and a
 large part of it is nonverbal. Our presence speaks for itself.
 

 
 Because of the world we live in, we often lose touch with our core
 values. We get on the treadmill, and we run to try to keep up. I have
 done that, too, in the past, but I know that I am a product of my
 choices. Habits are choices that are repeated. If I want to be a
 different product, I change my choices. I change my habits. Right now I
 am a product of that effort,and there is a lot of “been there, done
 that” in my past. Not all of it is pleasant. So I am changing the
 choices I make today. I focus on the end goal and on the systems in my
 life that support that goal. If I fail, it’s not because I’m a horrible
 person, it’s because the systems don’t support that goal effectively. I
 have learned this from James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. It’s
 helpful to focus on the systems that support my progress.
 

 
 Q: A lot of our readers are young professionals, constantly working
 to evolve in all aspects of life. Do you have any suggestions on how
 to overcome stereotypes, and how to cultivate empathy, alignment, and
 connection when building authentic relationships?
 

 
 VC: The
 first thing is to develop a sense of curiosity about others and
 yourself.
 

 
 The second thing is the suspension of judgment, which is one of the most
 effective skills anyone can develop, including young professionals.
 

 
 What do I mean by that? When we witness a situation or have an
 experience with another person, so often we jump to an evaluation,
 largely to protect ourselves so that we know how to respond. We are
 constantly evaluating because our brain is constantly scanning the
 environment for threatening situations. Some of that is physiological
 and we can’t completely escape it, but we can override it by developing
 a healthy sense of curiosity to find out why it is happening. We can use
 that curiosity and test the boundaries of our own vulnerability. We are
 a lot stronger than we think we are. The brain is going to protect us
 regardless. So while trusting that it will continue to do what it does
 best, we can test the boundaries of our own vulnerability.
 

 
 The third this is developing self-confidence, which comes from knowing
 what your core values are, knowing what your boundaries are, and knowing
 that sometimes your boundaries can be flexible and sometimes they can’t,
 and that’s okay.
 

 
 It helps to know that people from different cultures behave, respond,
 react, and initiate differently, so developing curiosity without
 judgment is really important. At the same time, if we are going to live
 in the world we have to adapt to certain things like credentials,
 education, etc. We don’t need to reject those things, we just have to
 choose the life we want to live. When we suspend judgment, we don’t have
 to criticize, we just have to discern.
 

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 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Q: Any final messages for our readers?
 

 
 VC: Don’t
 be afraid to participate. We’re all involved in a lot of meetings and
 networking events, and we are sometimes tempted to say, “I’m not going
 to say anything. I’m just here to learn.” That’s great, but what if
 everyone did that? We’d all be sitting around looking at each other. An
 affirmation I set for myself many years ago is, “Today I choose to
 participate in the abundance of life.” If it resonates, you’re welcome
 to take it.
 

 
 Today, make a conscious choice to participate in the abundance of life
 that is there. Whether we stay home, unable to go out, we are connected
 through the energy of the universe. When we recognize that, we welcome
 it into our lives. Participate means to show up. Be an active
 participant in your own life. You don’t get to judge the value of what
 you contribute – you just have to put it out there with a positive
 intention.
 

 
 Q: That was incredibly inspiring, Virginia! Thank you so much for
 sharing that.
 

 
 VC: Thank
 you, it’s been an absolute delight.

Building community through communication

<h4>
 VIRGINIA CUTCHIN is a multilingual,
 intercultural relations consultant, a health and wellness coach, and a neurolanguage® coach. In part
 2 of her interview with JAYATI DESAI, Virginia talks about how values evolve.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Q: You have spoken about acquired versus core values, and
 how they are likely to shift when we move from one place to another. We are taught a set of values by our family
 and immediate surroundings when we are young, and as we maneuver though different stages of life those core
 values may evolve. How can we differentiate between the two, and develop a better understanding of ourselves and
 our values?



VC: Great question. When I encounter difficulty and
 confusion in identifying an underlying value, I ask myself, “What is it that you can’t not do?”



What is it that you can’t help but do every day? How is it that you must show up in the world, because not doing that
 creates such discomfort. This is different from your comfort zone. A core value is something you can’t not do,
 whether it’s an activity or a way of thinking. Sometimes, it has to do with your DNA, and what’s passed on.



If it is not something you have to do, then it’s probably an acquired value. Acquired values come early in life. We
 learn them from parents, siblings, teachers, friends, the neighborhood, guests, and television. We evaluate
 everything that comes into our world, and sense it as a possible acquired value. Because we are constantly bombarded
 with external influences, we owe it to ourselves to manage the incoming assault of influences and to take time to
 really untie the knot of what is a core value and what is an acquired value.



When people move to different countries, or when they acquire a new language and the idiosyncrasies of that new
 language, sometimes confusion, disappointment, or anger can come from the clash of their core values versus incoming
 influences.



I’ve rejected some of my acquired values because they conflicted with my core values. Some acquired values served me
 well, helped me serve others – so I keep those. I’ve lived in other countries and I’ve been able to evaluate a lot.
 You can’t choose your core values, though. You can modify them, but you can’t reject them, because they are so
 essential to your being. Personal reflection is essential to keep your values in check.



Q: I’m curious – based on the number of people you’ve
 coached over the years across the world, do you see any patterns in the way values are evolving or shifting in
 the last few years?



VC: Yes, absolutely. In the past couple of years, as the
 world has been impacted by the pandemic, I see a couple of things happening. Those who benefited from the pre-Covid
 materialist world want to hang on to it and rebuild it into what it was before. For others, there’s more willingness
 to explore core values, consciousness, and to question our willingness to adhere to the old ways. There are those
 who say, “Wait a second. This doesn’t feel right, look right, or serve me anymore.”



We are willing to be more discerning. We are willing to assert what works and doesn’t work for us anymore. According
 to me, this comes from a long history of self-reflection and growth. It boils down to alignment with the inner Self.





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Q: In an earlier conversation, you mentioned our
 relationship with nature, and aligning our core values to the internal and external environment. Can you
 elaborate on that?



VC: It’s been liberating for me to go small. A huge
 revelation for me has been the recognition that when we are in the present we aren’t thinking about
 anything else. I am aware of my feet as I walk, the breeze and the sunlight on my face, and the feeling of my dogs’
 leads in my hand as I take them for a walk. I became aware of the fact that I have enormous power to affect my
 immediate environment with my energy level. We are exchanging energy with the environment all the time, and I want
 that energy to be positive, because that’s what I want from the universe.



I start every day by breathing in the goodness of the universe. The universe is governing without any judgment. I
 breathe out what I’m willing to do on my part. It could be showing gratitude, or it could be acknowledging fear and
 embracing the protection of the universe and my well-wishers.&nbsp; I’m willing to go very small and realize that I
 can only affect my little world that fits inside a hula hoop. That’s all I can influence. If we all uplifted our
 world with good energy, the world would be uplifted.



Everything we see in nature has the whole universe inside of it. One of my favorite quotes is “Even the smallest
 flame has all the qualities of fire.” Whether it’s a little child or the trees, the entire universe is inside them.
 It’s right there, it’s limitless, it’s accessible, and it’s limited by our willingness to tap into it. If I’m in
 alignment with myself and the natural world, eventually it translates into better alignment with society at large,
 with the people around me.



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center"> Everything we see in nature has
 the whole universe inside of it. </h4>



<hr>



Sometimes people don’t want change, don’t like realignment; but I am under no obligation to perpetuate that which
 does not work for me anymore – if it doesn’t allow me to show up as my best self in the world then I can reject it.
 That’s my obligation. I’m a part of many different communities, as we all are. My strongest, most meaningful
 community is with those people who are showing up, trying to be their best selves so they can help others be their
 best selves. There is so much ego-less ness in that, it’s absolutely intoxicating. Everyday, I wake up with this
 energy, this determination and gratitude to show up in the world and do what life expects and asks of me that day.




To be continued.

Evolving social values

<h4>
 VIRGINIA CUTCHIN is a multilingual
 intercultural consultant and neurolanguage® coach who helps professionals cultivate language skills
 and adapt to new environments and lifestyles. Here, JAYATI
 DESAI of the Heartfulness Institute interviews Virginia about the role of neuroscience in bridging
 intercultural differences and learning new languages.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Q: Welcome Virginia. Despite the globalization of the workforce,
 there are still differences in the attitudes and ways we work around the world. I am curious to understand how
 neurolanguage coaching helps us to collaborate more effectively.



VC: Sure. First, let me thank you for this chat.



Neurolanguage coaching was developed and registered by a wonderful woman named Rachel Paling, who established a
 worldwide network of neurolanguage coaches. It is a method of language acquisition and learning that places heavy
 emphasis on neuroscience – how brains like to learn.



All brains are basically the same, but with subtle differences that play out in how we interpret challenges – what
 happens when we feel anxious or threatened. This happens when we learn something, like learning to drive or learning
 a new language, especially when the pressure to learn is great.



Neurolanguage coaching is a process of co-creation with the learner, considering every learner as a unique case and
 discovering how best they learn. We present information to them accordingly and keep them as engaged as possible
 from the very beginning. An absolute beginner who doesn’t know anything about the language can speak and remember in
 a short amount of time, just by knowing how the brain accesses different blocks of information.



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<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Neurolanguage coaching is a
 process of co-creation with the learner, considering every learner as a unique case and discovering
 how best they learn. </h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Q: Our understanding is that children absorb information and learn
 new languages faster than adults. Does this method specifically cater to children or adults?



VC:
 It’s for both. My clients include 7-year-old children and 60-year-old adults. We do take into consideration
 that children learn faster, so our approach is tailored to their energy level, their brainwave patterns, the
 development of the physical brain, and the physical capacity to learn the language. It’s fascinating, because it
 allows us to engage at such a personal level that it builds closeness and trust very quickly, and that’s lasting.




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Q: So, is this method faster than traditional
 methods?&nbsp;



VC: Yes, there is evidence that those who use
 neurolanguage coaching learn the language faster. Neurolanguage coaching focuses on mechanical skills, such as
 grammar, pronunciation, and vocabulary, and also mastery skills, such as subject matter and target audience? What do
 you need to learn about? If you’re using it for business, you don’t need to know how to ride a bicycle, you need to
 know how to negotiate.



Neurolanguage coaching is tailor-made to the specific needs of the learner. It’s dynamic, so the learner stays
 engaged throughout the coaching, as they help identify what is to be learned. It is meaningful and relevant for the
 learner.



I lived in Italy as a teenager, and I’ve forgotten most of my Italian, so I’m going to re-learn it using this method.
 There are language families across the world, and we are constantly building bridges from your native language to
 the target language that you want to learn. And even though it could be wildly different, say English and Chinese,
 there are connections to be made, and the brain loves connections and patterns, and to be as efficient as possible.
 When we can build those bridges – we call it scaffolding –starting from a good foundation, connections between
 languages are made quickly.



Q: Scaffolding and building bridges between languages was the crux
 of the cultural counseling you provided me. But there is still a blind spot when we move from one part of the
 world to another, and work with people who have a different primary language and a different understanding of
 the language spoken.



In your role as a cultural awareness counselor, how do you enable
 people to make that link between different cultures?



VC: That’s a great question. We know that when people
 feel anxious or incompetent, when they don’t know what their role is, or where to buy socks in a new country, the
 learning part of the brain shuts down. Not completely, but we have less access to it, because at that point the
 brain wants to survive and protect us. Whether it’s protecting us physically, emotionally, or protecting our
 self-esteem, it is one of the components of culture shock or transition stress. The harder we try to learn in
 fight-or-flight mode, the less effective we are.



My background in intercultural training informs my activities as a language coach, and vice versa, because we learn
 best when we are calm and centered. Different brains accomplish calm in different ways, but physiology is
 physiology. When we practice techniques to keep the brain calm, it’s fascinating how much we can learn.



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Q: Are there any specific hacks we can apply? When we onboard new
 staff into their roles, I see them panic or become nervous when they’re being presented with a lot of new
 information. What are some techniques we can apply to calm down?



VC: You can’t be anxious and relaxed at the same time.
 Many years ago, I was in the dentist’s chair. I was already anticipating the drill in my mouth and I was getting
 anxious. So, I focused on relaxing my hands on my lap and I laser focused on feeling relaxed. I did some deep
 breathing because oxygen in the blood is key to relaxation. If the mitochondria in your cells don’t have oxygen, you
 don’t have energy. I’m in the dentist’s chair and I’m actively practicing relaxation, and all of a sudden the
 procedure was done.



It’s not that we must use consciousness that way, but just two minutes of relaxation and deep breathing can change
 your brainwave patterns. It’s a paradigm shift. I do it when I’m practicing coaching or training, or whenever
 someone is anxious. It’s such a simple technique that’s 100% effective.



Q: I can totally relate because Heartfulness Relaxation is
 recommended when you feel anxious or need to center yourself.



VC: It’s often passed off as trivial, but it’s truly
 effective. Everyone can try it out intentionally.



To be continued.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Interview by JAYATI DESAI </h4>



<hr>