Being present

VEDO CHATTERJEE is on a journey to experience what it means to be truly present in the moment. He shares the pitfalls and triumphs along the way, and his current learnings as a “work in progress.”

With an air of professional calm, the therapist asked Ed to pick out five things in the room. Nervously scanning the room, Ed identified the desk, a plant, the coffee machine, the computer, and a stuffed toy. Though the task seemed odd, he noticed the details of the room more than he had ever done before. He realized the purpose of this exercise was to pull him into the present moment, albeit in a dry and procedural manner.

Halfway across the world, Maya was asked to close her eyes and remember a cherished moment. She picked a day when her mom had hugged her despite a colossal mess-up. The memory had assumed greater significance over time, and she always felt safe when she remembered that day. The act of recalling and revisiting the memory was meant to change her emotional state in the present, by accessing love and joy she had felt in the past.

These accounts suggest a certain degree of complexity in the interplay of our emotions, motivations, and perception of time.

And that raises a question: what does it truly mean to “be present”? The essence might lie in the directing of our attention. Attention exists in the present moment, even when it relates to past experiences or future thoughts. We focus our attention using the energy that is available to us at any given time. Then, perhaps energy is that fundamental irreducible aspect of our experience, which is truly rooted in the present moment. 

Imagine an ideal state where we’re energized and paying attention to matters that positively affect our life in the present, crafting a more desirable future. We all know that life is more complicated than that. Many of us feel stuck in the past, as it is still affecting us. Our attempts to regain control over an event we couldn’t control is what we classically know as “living in the past.” The complex emotions that develop from the lack of control that was experienced may be hard to navigate. And this can develop into an intense distrust and fear of being hurt again in the future. The difficult emotions, in order to protect us, can keep traveling to the past or running into the future, seeking closure. We continue with life as if being controlled by what we could not control.

Control, despite its negative connotations, is an important aspect of our lives. Some amount of control is necessary to guide us toward our aspirations. It allows us to align with our dreams and goals. When we lose control, we lose the ability to steer our life in the direction we desire. It can send us off the rails, giving rise to emotional disturbance, opening the door for past regrets, future fears, and a general lack of energy, due to its dissipation in multiple directions.

By understanding the importance of energy
emotions, control, and the general sense of my life’s narrative
I am able to enrich the issue and find helpful
pathways along other dimensions.

Being present, in the way I want to be, has proven difficult many times in life. I can only suggest what might be valuable, based on my personal experiences. Limiting the idea to a temporal construct imposed upon the contents of the mind is restrictive. Being obsessed with the occupations of the mind only imprisons me in a vicious cycle of mental activity.

Positive emotions help me connect with my energy
allowing me to find expression and meaning.
I am slowly learning to give myself more readily to the present moment
without being pulled in different directions.

By understanding the importance of energy, emotions, control, and the general sense of my life’s narrative, I am able to enrich the issue and find helpful pathways along other dimensions. By devoting my energy to the things that matter, and the people I love, I may experience positive emotions. By devoting my energy to the things that matter, and the people I love, I may experience positive emotions.

Positive emotions help me connect with my energy, allowing me to find expression and meaning. I am slowly learning to give myself more readily to the present moment, without being pulled in different directions. The process can be painfully slow.

Although my life’s journey has brought me to the present moment, being fully present in that moment is itself a journey!

Illustrations by LAKSHMI GADDAM