MEGHANA ANAND asks if we are preserving the purity, the innocence and the sense of wonder in our children as they grow.
A few months ago, I shared an interesting conversation with my four-year-old. I was working at my computer, when he insisted on a bowl of his favourite fruit. I was more than happy to oblige – it is not every day that your kid demands for ‘health’ instead of the usually tabooed list of ‘junk’. As I fulfilled his ‘healthy’ demand, he started nibbling away, savouring every tiny bite with a look of such contentment and glee that I was forced to pull myself away from the screen and rested back to observe him with amusement.
Parenthood has opened up new vistas of learning in my life.
Rather than learning I feel it is a process of unlearning,
because if I wish to reach my child in the most positive and nourishing way,
I need to become as empty and as pure as he is.
I should be able to see the world through his eyes,
and then the best comes out of me as his mother.
Suddenly he stopped eating and, with a matter-of-fact look on his face, said to me, “Mommy, I love God.” His
spontaneity generated an equally spontaneous reply from me. I answered, “My dear, I love God too.” I thought the
dialogue would end at this. But then I was caught unawares. He promptly said, “Come, then let’s go to God.”
I thought for a while and then said, “Okay, but you know the way better; so you will have to take me to Him.”
Pat came the reply, “Okay, mommy, I shall take you to God tonight.”
Many books have been written on the subject of parenting – more so in the current times where the definition of ‘family’ has undergone a drastic shift from togetherness to isolation. Concepts like ‘nuclear family’, ‘double income family’, ‘single parent’ etc were unheard of even a decade ago, at least in India. They constitute the modern society of today. At thirty, I seem to face a generation gap with young adults only ten years younger! As the shadow of materialism looms large over our heads, as a parent I am concerned about my child losing himself in this mad rat-race towards a destiny where ambition overrides aspiration, where prosperity is measured in terms of monetary gains and success. My own upbringing has made me realise the need for a strong character built upon the foundation of inner values to face the challenges of life in a spirit of acceptance and with conviction.
Spirituality and mysticism have held a strong attraction for me since a very early age. In my quest of the mysterious and unknown, I stumbled upon a natural path of meditation based on the principles of restoring balance into our lives, in a world which is dangerously tipping towards a state of extreme imbalance. Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge, catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.
Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through
experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge,
catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.
Preserving what? I received one of the soundest pieces of advice from my mother when I was at the threshold of motherhood. She said, “Dear, remember to restore this child back to God in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him. Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.” With every passing day, these words ring louder and louder in my head. When I take time to pause from my ‘busy’ routine and decide to spend some quality time with my kid, I realise how empty he is. Empty of all prejudices and preconceived notions of how the world should be. He exists in the moment, and that’s it. For him there is no difference between good and bad, rich and poor, health and sickness. All he understands and responds to is the language of love – no matter who speaks it and from where it comes.
Once I was careless enough to use the word ‘hate’ in front of him. He immediately jumped on it, “Mommy, what is hate?” I really couldn’t answer this one, for the very act of trying to explain the meaning of the word to him would be the first step towards making him aware of its verity. Why seek knowledge where ignorance is bliss? This and other such instances have made me very cautious about what is being uttered or displayed before him. In that state of emptiness with which they are born, children are like sponges, ready to soak themselves and absorb whatever they are exposed to.
Another aspect that I have observed is that they learn largely by imitating and emulating. I see some of my own traits in my little son. So this puts back the onus on me. I have to first become what I want my child to become. I keep introspecting constantly to check if I, myself, posses those values that I want to see inculcated in him. Each time I am prompted to react to any mischief or an act of apparent indiscipline, I try to put myself in his shoes and get a feel of how I would like to be treated in that situation.
“… remember to restore this child back to God
in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him.
Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.”
When the heart is safe and sound, it acts as an inner beacon of light that guides us in our journey towards fulfilling our destinies. Inner courage and conviction develop that help us to stand against all odds. Imagine if each one of us, like the child, did not have the word ‘hate’ in our dictionaries! I mean, a world made up of such individuals would be no less than paradise. One of the most enlightening stories that I read during my school days is Leo Tolstoy’s Little Girls Wiser Than Men. Tolstoy beautifully conveys the message of following the example of the children, taking their spirit of forgiving and forgetting into our own hearts.
As a parent I only aspire to be an example to my child; I aspire to see the world through his eyes. As I march ahead in my endeavour to preserve his innocence and wonder, I discover my true self, my real identity. This little poem by William Wordsworth says it all:
The rainbow
My heart leaps up
when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.
(The Rainbow is also known as the poem, My Heart Leaps Up)
Article by MEGHANA ANAND
Meghana Anand
