Judith studied art at the Academy of Fine Art in both Hamburg and Munich, and the accents École nationale supérieure des Beaux-Arts in Paris. There, she explored the old master’s techniques, fusing them with contemporary approaches. She first gained national attention in Variety Magazine featuring her exhibit entitled “Pandora’s Box”.www.judithliebe.com

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Judith Liebe

Judith lives in Scotland, and has a background in physiotherapy, broadcasting, presentation, and property development. These days, she teaches Heartfulness in organizations and communities, and is Vice-President of two Heartfulness charities.

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Judith Nelson

<h4
 id="h-judith-nelson-introduces-a-new-series-for-2022-that-highlights-and-explores-ways-to-integrate-different-perspectives-on-various-topical-issues">
 JUDITH NELSON
 introduces a new series for 2022 that highlights and explores ways to
 integrate different perspectives on various topical issues.
</h4>

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<h3 class="has-text-align-center">
 EMBRACING DIFFERENCE
</h3>

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 I don’t know anyone who has found the last two years easy. For most of us, it
 has felt like a rollercoaster ride through a very long pandemic tunnel, with
 an unrecognizable landscape as we emerge!&nbsp;



 I have felt overwhelmed by polarized and contradictory information, advice,
 and instructions. How to navigate the non-stop media bombardment of endless
 tips and tools for well-being, and “toxic positivity”? What to do and not do,
 say, think, be, look like, etc.? It’s no wonder I am tired, and it’s a relief
 to drop all this stuff, let myself and my feelings be what they are, accept
 myself, and embrace all our differences.&nbsp;



 Life is an ever-changing picture. We are also constantly changing, even if we
 don’t realize or feel it.&nbsp;Even within ourselves, we often need to
 reconcile many different feelings, emotions, and thoughts, so why do we load
 ourselves with an expectation to be right, to be certain, and to feel the same
 as others? How can we learn to stand in our own “space,” among many different
 views, and enjoy and respect them all? That’s our challenge.&nbsp;



 In a recent discussion, the actor Kabir Bedi asked Daaji about his views on
 God.&nbsp;Daaji said he doesn’t think much about God, and that if you ask the
 five most evolved human beings this question, they would all have different
 views. He spoke about the beauty of individuality, and the need to honor the
 perspective of others when they describe the beauty they see, which we might
 not see in the same way.



 I was happy to hear this answer, as a validation for being authentic. I felt
 encouraged to honor my thoughts and feelings, also allowing the same for
 others. Each of us is a spark of the whole, so by being ourselves we enrich
 our landscape&nbsp;and the tapestry of existence. We can’t and shouldn’t be
 homogenized like milk.


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 So, the big question is: Who is the real “me”? How do you get to know yourself
 and understand when to say yes or no, and when to feel comfortable with not
 knowing?&nbsp;This takes time and practice. How can you allow yourself and
 others that time of discovery, and the opportunity to get things wrong? And
 why does it feel like there’s so much pressure to get things right?



 It’s not the end of the&nbsp;world to think and feel differently from those
 around you, to make mistakes, which are necessary for growth. Unfortunately,
 your ability to peep into the online world of others (even if it’s all
 illusion and fake) won’t help you feel better about yourself. So many of us
 feel anxious and, even worse, hopeless when we do.&nbsp;



 Us oldies enjoyed the freedom of making spectacular but helpful mistakes
 (certainly in my case!), without having them recorded and circulated on social
 media.&nbsp;But that’s not the case today. An excellent BBC documentary about
 mental health issues in young people highlights the fact that children as
 young as eight are feeling so unhappy with themselves that they contemplate
 suicide. It’s hard to imagine how an eight-year-old can feel so desperate. One
 seventeen-year-old girl said,&nbsp;“We are exposed 24/7 and anyone&nbsp;can
 have an opinion about us.”



 There’s no doubt that many youngsters are feeling the pressure to be perfect
 in their behavior, looks, scholarly achievements, and presence on social
 media, where they must look perfectly happy in the perfect life. But life
 isn’t like that. It’s a big mix of ups and downs, experiences, and emotions.
 It’s ever-changing, like the seasons. Even daily, we face many changes of mood
 and atmosphere due to internal as well as external factors. In time, our inner
 environment can become easier to manage, especially as we mature, but we still
 must deal with the outer environment and all that it throws at us.


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<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 In this spirit of self-acceptance, and instead of
 offering tools for
 self-help, the series “Embracing Difference” will feature
 different views and perspectives on topical subjects. If we can all
 accept the challenge to honor and enjoy these differences, it will
 inspire healthy debate and better understanding, and help us
 find our own ground.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Being yourself can take the pressure away, and, for me, that means a
 heart-felt acceptance of who I am right&nbsp;now. I’m not suggesting that you
 start behaving in any way you want, but just allow yourself to be as you are.



 Self- acceptance has helped me to feel calm and present in each moment. It’s a
 relief, like a pause. It’s most beneficial when I feel at my worst, although
 activating self-acceptance, especially in difficult circumstances, can take a
 bit of practice. However, I’m not advocating hard work to achieve it! Quite
 the opposite. In my experience, rather than loading myself with more tasks,
 letting go or not doing can be the best and, paradoxically, the most
 productive thing to do! It’s in the silence or the space between the thoughts
 that you will understand yourself and hear or feel the “yes” or “no” you seek.
 And it’s in learning to stop and pause that you will find the courage to wait
 when the answer isn’t there.



 So, in this spirit of self-acceptance, and instead of offering tools for
 self-help, the series “Embracing Difference” will feature different views and
 perspectives on topical subjects. If we can all accept the challenge to honor
 and enjoy these differences, it will inspire healthy debate and better
 understanding, and help us find our own ground.&nbsp;



 And we’re asking you, dear readers, to join us in embracing these differences
 and enriching yourselves with these lively debates. We also invite you to
 engage by contributing in the comments section on the website.



 There’s no one way, there’s your way, there’s my way, there’s his or her way,
 and that’s okay. Life would be so dull without our differences, so let’s honor
 and embrace them with open arms.&nbsp;


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 “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing&nbsp;and right-doing there is a field. I’ll
 meet you there.”


—Rumi

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<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4>

<hr />

What feels right for you?

Julia Child (1912-2004) was a larger-than-life American cooking personality who was instrumental in bringing French cuisine to a global audience through her books and TV.

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Julia Child

Cooking is creative!

Jyoti is a celebrated artist, best known for his work in painting, printmaking, and his photographic documentation of rural Indian culture and folk art. He studied art in North America and Europe before returning to India and founding the “Baroda School” of Indian art. His etchings, intaglios, and screen prints combine the traditional and the modern. His work is displayed in The Museum of Modern Art, New York, The Smithsonian in Washington D.C., The British Museum, London, and The Museum of Art & Photography, Bangalore. He was awarded the Padma Shri in India in 2019, the 1967 Gold Medal at the Biennale of Prints in Italy, and many other awards, including five Lifetime Achievement Awards.

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Jyoti Bhatt

<h4
 id="h-jyoti-bhatt-is-a-celebrated-and-awarded-artist-best-known-for-his-work-in-painting-and-printmaking-as-well-as-his-photographic-accounts-of-rural-indian-culture-and-folk-art-he-and-his-colleagues-founded-the-baroda-school-of-indian-art-he-was-awarded-the-padma-shri-in-2019-and-has-been-honoured-with-5-lifetime-achievement-awards-in-august-2021-he-had-a-conversation-with-ananya-patel-musing-about-his-life-and-his-art-excerpts-from-that-conversation-are-presented-in-this-2-part-series-along-with-some-of-his-work"
>
 JYOTI BHATT
 is a celebrated and awarded artist, best known for his work in painting and
 printmaking, as well as his photographic accounts of rural Indian culture
 and folk art. He and his colleagues founded the “Baroda School” of Indian
 art. He was awarded the Padma Shri in 2019, and has been honoured with 5
 Lifetime Achievement Awards. In August 2021 he had a conversation with
 ANANYA PATEL,
 musing about his life and his art. Excerpts from that conversation are
 presented in this 2-part series, along with some of his work.
</h4>

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<h3 class="has-text-align-center">AN ART ESSAY</h3>

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 I was born and grew up in a small town, you could say a large village. That
 was a long time ago, and as a child I had not even heard about Mickey Mouse or
 Humpty Dumpty. So, what I create is something I grew up with. It was only
 after moving to Baroda to study in a Fine Arts college that I learned about
 Western modern art. By “modern,” I mean what happened about 100 years ago.
 It’s an historical term. Modern is not contemporary anymore.


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 </figure>
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 alt="Beyond_Traditional_modern"
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 I also realized that what the modernists were doing, the reforms they were
 trying to make, were consciously taken from other artforms. This is especially
 true of Cubism. Picasso was inspired by African art, which was tribal.



 Similar traditional art is done by villagers and tribal people in India, along
 with many classical arts. My work became a combination because what was
 happening around the world also affected my work. But it was not like the
 Bengal school, or the revivalists, who wanted to do away with the British
 teachings and customs and go back to Ajanta or Mughal styles. I think any art
 is good art. And the divisions of India versus Europe, and the West versus the
 East, have been made for our own convenience and selfish interest.



 My photography is not really part of my “creative” work. I wanted to document
 things when I realized that our way of life was changing. And they had to
 change. We can’t expect them to remain the way they were 100 years ago or
 earlier. But at the same time, because of the influence of urbanization,
 earlier, nicer traditions started disappearing. I thought that I should
 photograph whatever was alive, because after a few years it wouldn’t be there.
 Archaeological specimens like the Taj Mahal or Qutub Minar are old. They
 survive because they are made with stronger materials. But almost all the
 material used for folk art is something locally available and impermanent.


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 </figure>
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 alt="Beyond_Traditional_modern"
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 </figure>
</div>

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 <img
 
 alt="Beyond_Traditional_modern"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
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 </figure>
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<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 When we take a blank canvas, we often start thinking of selling it, or winning
 a prize in a competition, or seeing it hang in a museum, or something like
 that. Folk art made me humble: If people can make art and live with it, I
 should also learn. They never complain about material – they don’t get good
 paper or canvas. Whatever is available is good enough for them and they are
 able to create and express themselves. Because of this, my attitude became
 more open to various materials. I do not stick to standard classical materials
 like oil paints and canvas. Recently I have been working with acrylic cut
 outs. The technology is now available in Baroda because many small industries
 have started helping artists.



 My idea or understanding of tradition is connected mostly with reasoning – why
 did they do something? And if we adopt it, how do we adapt it for ourselves?



 For example, while making a drawing of a figure or motif in the stylistic
 manner of a tribe in Chhota Udaipur, instead of copying I tried to think how
 that person might be thinking. It was a forced effort, but it allowed me to
 enjoy it much more. I hope that this has added to my visual vocabulary and way
 of working.



 A few things from village, tribal, and folk art started entering my work. But
 I have not deliberately tried to do this. I get ideas for paintings from
 anything that excites me. I had come across a magic square, a
 chautisa yantra, back when I was in school, and it kept reappearing
 to me. It’s a very simple four by four square using 1 to 6 in digits, and you
 arrange it in such a way that the columns, rows, and diagonals sum up to 34
 each time, in every configuration. In this way, I have made several paintings.


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 <img
 alt="Beyond_Traditional_modern"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Beyond_Traditional_modern_1_9_5d9adbfefe.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:04:03.675Z"
 />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 So I cannot say that there is Western, or Indian, or folk influence
 specifically. I noticed a yantra painted on the wall of a few village
 houses in Rajasthan, and I asked why. They said it’s a good omen. Then I asked
 a few more people about it. Then I read a book by a mathematician, where he
 explained how yantras are made, how their symmetry works. I thought
 this was a very good subject to try, because all I had to do was write those
 numbers but the visual form would be my own.


To be continued.

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<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center" id="h-interview-by-ananya-patel">
 Interview by ANANYA PATEL
</h4>

<hr />

Beyond traditional and modern

Art is an entrance

<h4>JYOTI BHATT is a celebrated and awarded artist, best known for his work in painting and printmaking, as well as his photographic accounts of rural Indian culture and folk art. He and his colleagues founded the “Baroda School” of Indian art. He was awarded the Padma Shri in 2019 and has been honoured with 5 Lifetime Achievement Awards. In August 2021 he had a conversation with ANANYA PATEL, musing about his life and his art. Excerpts from that conversation are presented in this 2-part series, along with some of his work.</h4><hr><h2>AN ART ESSAY</h2><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_2_d24f6560df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:39:18.783Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-2"><hr>My wife Jyotsna inspired me from the beginning. I have been told that I have depicted her in all the female figures in my paintings and prints. This may not be 100% right, but there’s something to it. I was in New York on a Fulbright scholarship when I got a three-month grant to travel in the US. She came with me and we got married. It was in 1966. We had no idea how to run a family or anything. We learned to help each other. I would listen to what she had to say, and she would listen to me, but without any special or forced effort. It was a collaboration. The only thing was that work should continue.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_3_fbe45207b8.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:40:18.851Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-3"><hr>We then returned to Baroda, where I had a teaching job and she completed her post graduate diploma and started teaching. Very few of our brilliant female students got the opportunity to continue with their art, and I didn’t want her to worry about running the house.<hr><hr>We have to throw away something, so it’s best to select something&nbsp; that is best, or something that is important enough to tell us about the past.<hr><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_4_1_c252c070b7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:42:44.752Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-4"><hr>When I was photographing I would go away for long periods, so she took all the responsibility of managing the home and looking after our daughter. I’m sure when I was away there were problems, but she never mentioned any of them to me. Often we think that not coming in the way of each other itself is a great help.If I say I am not worried about my work not lasting, then I am lying to myself. Naturally, if my work lasts it’s fine, but is it really necessary? If people go on creating more and more work, then it will grow and nature will be unable to bear our mistakes. We have to throw away something, so it’s best to select something that is best, or something that is important enough to tell us about the past.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_5_c35d5d42a4.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:43:47.495Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-5"><hr>In Indian philosophy, we have three gods: Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. Brahma’s duty is to create. Vishnu’s job is to look after the world created by Brahma, and Shiva has to destroy. Only then can the cycle continue. Many of our traditions, like Rangoli, have this same cycle. You make it every day, and in the evening you remove it. The next day you make a new one. The art object doesn’t last, but art lasts. I’ll be happy if my work inspires somebody to make art, instead of just preserving it. If it is preserved, subconsciously, I may like it, although I may not like to admit that.I have used written words in my work along with painted images. This is something I had seen in the embroidery in Saurashtra when I was young. They make two types of embroidery – one is decorative and the other is narrative. Ram, Lakshman, and Sita are depicted, but all the figures look alike, so they would write the names next to them. What they were unable to show visually, they would write. The same thing was done in miniature paintings in Rajasthan. Sometimes the script was even more important than the image. The same thing happened in Europe in Byzantine art and the Christian tradition.<hr><hr>The art object doesn’t last, but art lasts.&nbsp; I’ll be happy if my work inspires somebody&nbsp; to make art, instead of just preserving it.<hr><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_6_37ee1bb76d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:44:25.612Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-6"><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_7_de81ab22be.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:45:24.277Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-7"><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_8_1_bf346c71df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:48:10.859Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-8-1"><hr>I started doing the same thing; I would write names. Later, I realized that letters also have very interesting forms in calligraphy. So I started adding them as a visual element. If you are unable to read, you can still see, and it becomes part of the painting.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_10_c1433e1709.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:49:11.332Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-10"><hr>Then there is the influence of television and advertising. We might see news about an avalanche in the Himalayas showing up next to an ad for a restaurant – two odd things. The images that we see nowadays are mostly combinations of shapes and written text. So I also started adding that to my work. Whenever I was travelling, I would notice what was written on the back of rickshaws and trucks. It’s so fun!<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_9_09feeabe5e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:50:50.777Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-9"><hr>If I add a line like that to my own painting it may make you laugh a little, it may confuse you, or excite you to find out the meaning. On a rickshaw I once saw “Diwali” written in English and then in Hindi: “mai hai Ali.” Below it was “Ramzan” written again in English and then in Hindi: “mai hai Ram.”<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beyond_tradition_modern_part2_11_ee60e1d1de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T06:51:55.090Z" alt="beyond-tradition-modern-part2-11"><hr>People give so many lectures about this, but this simple rickshaw driver had a better sense, that is very relevant to our present day problems. And I have used that line in many of my works, with no direct connection. If there was a nice space somewhere I would put it in.If some idea comes, I try to see if it works instead of debating beforehand whether it will work. Do it and see. Instead of why, I ask why not?<hr><hr><h4>Art by JYOTI BHATT Interviewed by ANAYA PATEL</h4><hr>

Beyond traditional and modern – part 2

Kabir Bedi

Encounters of the heart

KAHLIL GIBRAN (1883-1931) was&nbsp; born in modern-day Lebanon and migrated to the United States where he studied art and started his literary career. He was a poet, painter, writer, philosopher and theologian, and was influenced by his Maronite Christian upbringing as well as the mysticism of Sufism and the Baha’i faith.

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Kahlil Gibran

Your children

The light in the heart

And a man said, speak to us of Self-knowledge. And he answered, saying:Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.And it is well you should.The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.For self is a sea boundless and measureless.Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.” Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.”Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”For the soul walks upon all paths.The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.<h4 style="text-align:center;">&nbsp;</h4>Chapter 17 of The Prophet.&nbsp;<h4>&nbsp;</h4>&nbsp;

Self-knowledge

Life and love

Kaj is a schoolteacher, coach, and prize-winning athlete. He has meditated for 20 years and is a member of the Heartfulness Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Kaj-Hammargren.jpg

Kaj Hammargren

<h4>KAJ HAMMARGREN is an athlete who turned his life around from a very dark place in his twenties to serving others and bringing joy, thanks to a spiritual awakening and the practice of meditation. His story is an inspiring one!</h4>I shouldn’t be able to run, not even walk, and especially not pole vault. In fact, I shouldn’t be alive at all.&nbsp;I was born in Copenhagen in 1964 and I was good at sport. I became one of the biggest talents in Denmark in the pole vault. But I also struggled with alcohol, and those two things didn’t match at all. Alcohol became my master for some years, and it almost ended my life in a traffic accident at the age of 27. I wanted to die.&nbsp;But then I had a spiritual awakening, and meditation became central to my life. I have practiced Heartfulness meditation for more than 20 years.&nbsp;At the age of 51, I was asked to start jumping again, just for fun, at my old club. That’s eight years ago. The first few years I had fun, competing for the club with all my old friends. But last year, my weight was more than 100 kg and I decided to lose 15 kgs, start training two to three times a week, and participate in the world championships 2023 in Gothenburg. I also decided to have surgery on my right knee, so I could jump without pain.&nbsp;It’s easy to lose weight. I only eat what is necessary most days during the week, and some days I fast until the evening. I ask myself, “Is it necessary to eat this?” and then I don’t. One or two days a week I eat normally. I lost 13 kgs the first year, so I was close to the optimal weight for my height. I think previously I was attached to eating too much, and not always the right stuff. Of course, I did not eat well every day, but many days I did. And I became grateful for being able do it, including fasting for more than 16 hours a day.&nbsp;But what about other attachments? Am I attached to becoming the world champion in pole vaulting? Well, I’m not, but I am interested in experiencing what happens when I meditate and pole vault. So that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s not only important to jump, but it’s even more important how I participate. Babuji mentioned that we need to be of service, so I’m trying to be helpful to everyone who is jumping. In fact I pray in the morning, “How can I be useful?” and I ask God what His plan is for me. &nbsp;As a result, I am not afraid during competitions, and I’m more relaxed and focused. Also, I don’t waste energy being afraid, envying others, so a lot of good stuff happens, especially making new friends.&nbsp;I recently participated in the Championship of the Nordic Countries and won. I also made several new friends, but during the competition I noticed a man running on the track who was dying. I followed him, then shouted and waved my hands to the officials, and called for an ambulance. Quickly a doctor came running with a heart starter, but I saw the man’s blue face and instantly knew he was dying. I sat down with my head in my hands and started to pray for his life. After a while I looked up, and he was awake and sitting on the track.&nbsp;My goal is to participate in the World Championships in 2025. But I also know that life is meant to be joyful, and it’s important for me to find out what God’s plan is for me. I do not want to only reach for gold for myself, and I don’t need to be the best. I do, however, need to reach out for the best way of living a spiritual life.&nbsp;<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/finding_purpose2_ac2ab39b49.jpg"></figure>Earlier, I would have been satisfied with my current achievements. And fear was part of jumping, limiting my progress: fear of winning, failing, what others thought of me, etc. I was attached to the goal of being the best, so that people would think I was a good man. It was a big dream, an illusion.&nbsp;Now I have a spiritual goal, to live right here, right now, in constant rememberance of His presence in everything I do. Whether I win or lose, my life is fullfilled while doing it – I have experienced it in all my affairs. It is experiencing life on another level.&nbsp;

Finding purpose

Kajal is currently working in the Clinical Trials industry and is also a trained Life Coach. She has a Ph.D. in Cardiovascular Science and has done research in Oncology, Cardio Metabolic and Neuroscience. She is an avid reader, and is passionate about meditation, well-being, conscious parenting, and finding joy in little things.

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Kajal Gupta

<h4>KAJAL GUPTA shares her experience of first-time parenting, and how it has opened her awareness and helped her grow.</h4>To me, mindfulness is tuning in and being aware of my present thoughts, feelings, and emotions (or lack of) without any judgment. It is being in the “here and now.” I’ve been practicing meditation for many years now, so going inward has become a way of life for me. With this in mind, I enthusiastically embarked upon motherhood feeling that I had it all together. How naïve was I, because as Dr. Shefali Tsabary puts it, “letting go of control over our children is probably the hardest spiritual task we face as parents.” As part of this ongoing journey, here are five tenets of mindful parenting I’ve picked up along the way, as something I not only relate to but also try to live by.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">1) Truly know, understand, and experience your child as they really are, separate from you.&nbsp;</h4>Yes, you can plan all you want – your child’s clothes, the nursery décor, whether you decide to breast- or bottle-feed, when to introduce solids, and your parenting style, too – but you can’t plan your child’s temperament. Each child is different; you’ll have to tailor your parenting style to meet your child’s needs and temperament. I decided to breastfeed for six months and then move to bottle-feeding, but my baby decided to enter my life as a milk snob, refusing all the bottles in the world. I decided to introduce solids at six months, but baby decided he was ready to taste his first fruit at 4.5 months. I got beautifully-crafted wooden toys, but baby was interested in all the overly colorful, loud, and ugly plastic ones! The point I’m trying to make is: tune into your child’s needs moment-to-moment instead of dumping your expectations on them.“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a ‘mini me,’ but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”&nbsp; —The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5tips_mindful_parenting2_ba9018c88d.jpg"></figure><h4 style="text-align:justify;">2) Whenever you are doing anything with your children, be with them 100%.&nbsp;</h4>As with any mindfulness practice, give your full attention to that moment instead of thinking of the future or the past. I know, and experience daily, how difficult this can be with today’s fast-paced life. But I always try to be fully present with my child when I’m with him. I’ve found the best way is to encourage independent play and not intervene unnecessarily; it is truly magical to observe them at play and see into their world!“Play is children’s main way of communicating. To stop a child from playing is like stopping an adult from talking and thinking. To control every minute of their play is like controlling every word someone says.”&nbsp; —Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen<h4 style="text-align:justify;">3) Try not to take other’s comments too personally.&nbsp;</h4>This was a tough one for me, and something I still struggle with if I do not work on myself. Having a baby makes every person around you believe that they not only have a say in raising that child, but that their way is the best way! As if the initial hormonal overwhelm of having a baby plus keeping the baby alive are not enough, people shower you with their unsolicited advice and comments. This does not seem to stop after the first few weeks of giving birth, but goes on in cycles – how to sleep train, how to potty train, how to avoid toddler tantrums, how to discipline, the list is endless!Again, try to swim your way out of this ocean of how-tos, step back, observe your child and yourself, and decide what’s best for both of you. It is important to build your own “village” – your network of support and inspiration – but a village that feels safe for both of you. Remember, your true tribe also knows when to shut up and just listen.“It takes a village to raise a child.”&nbsp; —African Proverb<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Try to swim your way out of this ocean of how-tos,&nbsp; step back, observe your child and yourself,&nbsp; and decide what’s best for both of you.</h4><hr><h4>4) During emotional outbursts and tantrums, first connect, then redirect.&nbsp;</h4>We often react to tantrums instead of responding to them. Consequences and lessons are ineffective when a child’s emotions are running high. And why just children, it is the same with adults, too. Instead of punishments, using a calm attitude to hold the child through their emotions allows your calmness to rub off, giving way to receptiveness and understanding.“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”&nbsp; —L.R. Knost<h4>5) This is a journey of learning for both you and your child.&nbsp;</h4>Parenting is not hierarchical; in fact, over this last year or so, I’ve learnt so much more from my child than I ever anticipated. Learn together, laugh together, cry together, and grow together! Just like you, your children deserve to feel that they are loved and adored, just because they exist, not when they are disciplined, not when they get straight As, or not when they are successful individuals.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Learn together, laugh together,&nbsp; cry together, and grow together!</h4><hr><figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5tips_mindful_parenting3_d109c84886.jpg"></figure>Even as we attempt to do our best at parenting, we cannot fully know where their lives will take them; we can only love our children, accept them and honor the mystery of their being. Do your best, be authentic, and express gratitude for this opportunity to evolve spiritually.&nbsp;“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself… They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”&nbsp; —Kahlil Gibran

5 easy tips for mindful parenting

Kalyani is a health law attorney and writer who lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two sons. She is a mental health and mindfulness advocate who went on a journey to find happiness, discovered how to help others be happy, and has become a more authentic version of herself.

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Kalyani Adusumilli

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<h4>
 KALYANI ADUSUMILLI
 compares wants and needs, and explores how the simple life helps us keep a check on needs
 and wants, leading to contentment and happiness.
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To truly find contentment, it is commonly thought that we must distinguish between our needs and wants. Needs
 imply basic requirements to survive, such as water, air, and food; in other words, that which we cannot live
 without. But typically, we also include the intangible, like friendship, love, and security, among our needs.




Needs are supposed to be less than our wants, so we approach life practically. After all, we can want anything,
 including flying to the moon! Generally speaking, our wants are things we assume will improve our life somehow.
 But as our society grows more materialistic, our wants are often frivolous, not to mention numerous.



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 <img decoding="async" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/What_do_you_need2_5164a33e66.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-27T09:55:57.348Z">

 </figure>
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What happens when we have too many needs, though? These days the line between needs and wants has become
 increasingly blurry. One could argue that humankind’s continuing progress, especially technological advancement,
 naturally leads to a shift in what we now consider a need.



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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">There’s a reason
 simplicity works better. There’s less
 clutter in our
 minds and more room to focus on what truly makes us thrive – health, happiness, a
 sense of purpose, and love.</h4>



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 <img decoding="async" alt="" class="has-img-center"
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 </figure>
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But then, is that actual progress if our needs are more complex as a result? How many of us consider a smartphone
 a need? They certainly make life convenient. But at the expense of what? Are we happier and more productive? For
 me, it’s a resounding “No!”



There’s a reason simplicity works better. There’s less clutter in our minds and more room to focus on what truly
 makes us thrive – health, happiness, a sense of purpose, and love. As our needs grow, so do our stress levels
 and reliance on the external. But with less dependence, there is more freedom. Freedom to be.



What if we took a step back to when we had everything that we needed simply by waking up to a new day, a fresh
 chance at living fully? Back when we treated our planet more gently, in appreciation of its beauty and its
 bounty. Back when we walked across the street and knocked at a neighbor’s house to pass the time. Back when we
 just needed the bare minimum to flourish because we had everything that we needed in each other.



What do you really need?



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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by HOLLY</h4>



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What do you need?

<h4>KALYANI ADUSUMILLI went on a journey to find happiness for herself. In the process, she discovered how to help others be happy, and how to become a more authentic version of herself.</h4><hr>Happiness has become a mainstream concept these days. Does happiness hinge on meeting society’s expectations? How often do superficial trappings such as social status, physical appearance, and financial success determine happiness? We’ve often heard the old adage, “Money can’t buy happiness,” but do only the wealthy come to that conclusion? For a person stuck in poverty, money could offer happiness in the form of a well-fed belly and a roof over their head. And consider social media. The number of Instagram followers and “retweets” electrifies the young and propels them to seek spotlight as their source of happiness, while the older generations look on in bemusement. So, who gets to decide what it means to be happy?Over the past couple of years, as I took stock of the pandemic that brought the modern world to its knees and left people in isolation, I reached the conclusion that the power to create happiness lies within me. Within you. Within each of us. That might seem obvious, but upon further reflection, very few of us actually utilize the power we wield. As I struggled to make sense of the tragedies occurring around the world and in my own personal sphere, happiness seemed both a distant memory and an unlikely future. Realizing that I needed an outlet, I sought therapy and spent the Covid lockdown trying to navigate my troubled past and conquer my fears about the future, with the hope that I might learn to live fully in the present.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage2_56fbf71bbc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:45:25.348Z" alt="Happiness_takes_courage2"><hr>Because of the decision to focus on well-being, I developed a heightened sense of self-awareness, which led me to understand more about the source of happiness. All too often, we either look to others to define our happiness or hold them responsible for it. I realized that as long as I continue to blame my parents for my lifelong anxieties or expect my spouse to provide the cure for my discontent, I will never achieve true happiness. I began to contemplate what “happy” meant to me.Before long, I could admit that happiness meant more than just my roles as a mother and a spouse, and that I had never felt entirely fulfilled in my career as a lawyer. I wanted more. I wanted to live life on my terms for the first time, not on everyone else’s. Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket items, but trickled down to the details, like how much sleep I was getting each night, and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care. “Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed. That transformation manifested visibly to my family and friends, much to their wonder and awe.<hr><hr><h4>Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket items,&nbsp; but trickled down to the details,&nbsp; like how much sleep I was getting each night, and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care.&nbsp; “Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>If it’s so obvious that the way to happiness rests at our own feet, then why do we not exercise our autonomy? With everyone so interconnected through technology, the pressure of conforming places an enormous burden on the choices that we make. We’re so busy taking cues from everyone else that we don’t take the time to stop and reflect on what we need. Many of us hide behind fears of rejection, failure, and ostracization. And when we find ourselves disappointed or thwarted, it’s far easier to point fingers at others and deflect responsibility.&nbsp;A recent interaction with my eldest son, a high school senior, comes to mind. His teenage self has been a force to be reckoned with over the past couple of years. One day he stormed into my room, frustrated and angry about the restrictions on his screen time during the school year. Insisting that no other parents exerted that kind of control, he declared that we were making his life miserable. At first, I tried to reason with him, explaining that his oversleeping and lax attitude about his homework had resulted in those restrictions. I assured him that all parents want their children to thrive in school and that we were hardly the exceptions.When my words fell on deaf ears, I waited until his anger was spent. Then, I told him that while we had his best interest at heart, he alone could decide whether to stay mired in his frustrations or alter the landscape. Eager to give him the benefit of what I had started to embrace, I told him that he could continue to complain and remain miserable or figure out a way to be happy. Calling attention to his desire for freedom, I hinted that he could show his maturity by acting more responsibly, earning the right to manage his time without supervision. I’m happy to say that he went on to do just that, with some stumbles along the way, ultimately resulting in a happier kid and happier parents.This leads me to another observation – cultivating happiness inevitably fosters a happy environment and leads to healthier relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage3_bf87c3d16e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:46:22.552Z" alt="/Happiness_takes_courage3"><hr><hr><h4>Happiness is so very individual and cannot be designed by anyone else. Creating our own happiness takes courage.</h4><hr><hr>In essence, we forget that what makes us human is our beautifully complex brain and the ability to reason and think for ourselves. Happiness is so very individual and cannot be designed by anyone else. Creating our own happiness takes courage. It requires an unshakeable commitment to stay true to ourselves, and a fierce determination to follow through with our passions, regardless of the outcome and in the face of adversity. Happiness demands that we place self-worth and well-being as priorities in our life so that we be authentic. Whether we live more than one lifetime or not remains a mystery, so with that uncertainty we would do well to remember another old saying, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.” Choose to be happy now and be the architect of your own happiness. You are in the driver’s seat.<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4><hr>

Happiness takes courage

KALYANI ADUSUMILLI highlights the need for asking for help, and for self-compassion and self-love. She challenges us to come together to eradicate the stigma around mental illness, so that we can all open up about our struggles and overcome them.<hr>Giving up may seem like the only option when you’re at your lowest. But there’s a better one – reaching out.Often, we ignore the cracks in our emotional and mental well-being until we’re suddenly staring down an abyss. Climbing out from that darkness back into the light is possible. The first step of that ascent is to accept that you need a hand. None of us was ever meant to walk a solitary path.I tried to carry my burdens on my own for decades, until they became too heavy. When that happens, escape becomes tempting, unless you remember to look up and grasp that outstretched hand, the lifeline waiting to steady you, reminding you that you’re not alone.Building yourself back up also requires self-compassion. Only then can hope emerge and healing begin. Hope comes in all forms – the promise of a second chance or the discovery of a purpose in this life. I know firsthand the power of hope in healing and transforming darkness into light. But I had to make room for it and let it take the lead, so I could stare down my fears. Asking for help when you’re faltering is not a sign of weakness, though we may be at our most vulnerable in that moment. Rather, it’s a testament to our mind’s power, our insight into our limits as humans, and our resourcefulness. In truth, it’s an act of courage, a show of strength, to suppress the ego and to admit that we’re struggling. Ultimately, it reflects our desire to rise again. If we avoid the issues that stress our minds and wreak havoc on our emotions, it is then that we weaken, and our ability to fight back becomes compromised. It’s no different than a disease attacking our immune system. Do we not seek treatment for bodily ailments?<hr><hr><h4>Building yourself back up&nbsp; also requires self-compassion.&nbsp; Only then can hope emerge&nbsp; and healing begin.&nbsp; Hope comes in all forms – the promise of a second chance or the discovery of a purpose in this life.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>We place great value on caring for our physical health. Without our pumping heart and powerful lungs, how would we survive? But what controls those organs? The most complex and beautiful organ of our body, the brain, responsible also for the workings of our mind and consciousness. So why do we not similarly care for our mental and emotional wellness? The body and mind are interconnected, so if one declines, so will the other. Just as we schedule annual physicals for our body, what if we regularly schedule wellness checks for our mental and emotional health?People tend to focus on longevity over happiness. For me, the prospect of a meaningful and purposeful life (be it a short one) characterized by mental peace and equanimity, holds more appeal than living to 90 without it. As Aristotle said, “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/life_line2_99e94c4da1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:31:26.963Z" alt="life-line2">Millions of people struggle with mental health issues, but sadly very few consider mental health treatment because of the stigma attached. The embarrassment associated with mental illness persists across cultures. If speaking about it remains taboo, the younger generations will also continue to suffer in silence. The key is to change the narrative and encourage open honest dialogue, empathy, and compassion. We are all united in our struggles and, therefore, can only thrive when we support and uplift one another.We can start the mental and emotional well-being journey by treating ourselves with love and compassion, then spreading that to others. Be each other’s lifeline. What is more healing than that?<hr>

Lifeline

<h4
 id="h-kalyani-adusumilli-grew-up-in-a-minority-group-in-the-united-states-straddling-cultures-learning-how-to-fit-in-and-later-learning-how-to-accept-the-traditions-of-her-heritage-today-she-is-watching-her-children-going-through-the-same-process-shifting-their-cultural-identity-as-they-head-toward-adulthood-in-the-melting-pot-of-a-multicultural-society">
 KALYANI ADUSUMILLI grew up in a minority
 group in the United States, straddling cultures,
 learning how to fit in, and later learning how to accept the traditions of
 her heritage. Today, she is watching her children going through the same
 process, shifting their cultural identity, as they head toward adulthood
 in the melting pot of a multicultural society.
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 Do I consider myself Indian or American? That’s a question Indian-Americans
 commonly grapple with as they try to navigate the two cultures that
 influence and impact their lives. “I’m American, Mom!” or “I don’t like
 Indian food!” are sentiments that I’ve heard frequently from my children.
 There’s my youngest, who once curiously told my sister-in-law, to her
 extreme consternation, “I’m not Indian. I’m half-Mexican and half-American!”
 While I knew that his comment stemmed from the adoration he felt for one of
 my close friends, who is Mexican, and like his surrogate aunt, I felt
 guilty, thinking that I had failed to instill in him a sense of pride for
 his own Indian culture. Then there’s my oldest, who traveled to India twice
 and readily embraced the culture and food as a child, but now avoids Indian
 food like the plague! He’ll squawk about mild spices in the occasional
 curry, and then shrug when I watch him munch on hot Cheetos and Takis. Where
 did I go wrong, I wondered, until I considered my own shifting cultural
 identity, and its gradual progression and transformation from childhood
 through adulthood.



 Born in India and raised there for six years before joining my family in the
 United States, I naturally identified more with my Indian roots, at first.
 Not quite fluent in English and accustomed to a different set of societal
 customs, I had to both learn and unlearn to assimilate into Western culture.
 No longer could I run freely around town barefoot, nor did I see cows and
 goats wandering around everywhere unrestrained. But before long, the Western
 influences took hold of me and I morphed into a fusion of East and West. My
 exposure to the American culture came predominantly from mastery of the
 English language and acculturation, as my parents only spoke English at
 home. They would later regret that when they recognized I could no longer
 speak my native tongue fluently.



 Yet, my parents did ensure that my sister and I learned Hindu traditions and
 regularly participated in the local Indian community. I happily took dance
 lessons in Bharatanatyam, relished our summer trips to India, and ate Indian
 food daily and without complaint as a young girl.


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 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/east_meets_west2_5d8d7b012e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T18:07:07.567Z" />


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 By the time I was old enough to care about the opinions of my peers, I
 became self-conscious about my ethnicity. Suddenly, I felt painfully aware
 of the stares that strangers directed at my mother when she wore a sari at
 the grocery store, and even more so if I had to appear in public wearing
 traditional garb. Cringe worthy comments from strangers and friends like,
 “Is that blood on your forehead?” when seeing the red bindi on my forehead,
 or “What tribe are you from?” fueled my self-consciousness and the feeling
 that we might as well have been aliens from another planet.



 Often, my mother opened the windows when she cooked Indian food because of
 the pungent aromas in our house, and I remember my anxiety and embarrassment
 when a young American friend scrunched up her nose, questioning, “What’s
 that smell?” As a minority population, inclusion is paramount. Even to the
 point of surrendering one’s identity.



 After four years of bland cuisine at college, I started craving my mom’s
 flavorful South Indian food. I learned how to cook it myself and joined a
 social networking group for young Indian professionals. I began to truly
 embrace my ethnicity. Through personal growth and an increasing awareness of
 how diversity shapes us, I came to embrace my identity as an Indian-American
 woman and appreciate my rich cultural upbringing.



 And so, when I reflect on my American-born children, who have yet to embrace
 their ethnicity and formulate their identity, I reassure myself that I have
 given them a good foundation and introduction to their Indian heritage.
 Since birth, they have had regular exposure to the Hindu culture whether
 through spending time with grandparents, visiting temples for religious
 occasions, reading folklore, or eating Indian food (even if they don’t
 always relish it). Yet, they have also had exposure to many other cultures
 as well – Japanese, Brazilian, Australian, Mexican, and so on. I’m grateful
 that my son has experienced the Hispanic culture so intimately through my
 friend.


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<h4 class="text-center">
 Only when they learn to appreciate that we are all
 born different
 from one another 
 in so many beautiful ways, will they truly celebrate diversity
 and their own culture.
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 More importantly, I respect that my kids identify primarily as Americans, as
 they were born and raised in this country and have been immersed in American
 society. I have seen my children, nieces and nephews go through similar
 scenarios to those I did as a child. They gleefully ran into their
 grandmother’s outstretched arms as little kids, but as they grew older, I
 watched them squirm uncomfortably seeing her familiar round figure, draped
 in a bold-colored sari, waiting to greet them at the bus stop. While
 saddened at this sign of passing innocence, I understood, knowing that they
 too would navigate the complicated waters of growing up with a mixed
 cultural heritage, and confident that they would also come to proudly own
 their cultural identity, by choice and in their own time. Only when they
 learn to appreciate that we are all born different from one another in so
 many beautiful ways, will they truly celebrate diversity and their own
 culture.



 So, the next time my college-bound son groans, “Oh no, not Indian food!” or
 my youngest declares on St. Patrick’s Day that he’s half-Irish, I’ll smile,
 and patiently continue to watch their cultural journey unfold.


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East meets West

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<h4>
 KALYANI
 ADUSUMILLI shares some tips on leading a balanced life so that our time with others is also more
 harmonious.
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The key to living harmoniously is balance. I’m sure you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a
 dull boy,” as it’s stood the test of time. Less known, perhaps, is its counterpart, “All play and no work makes Jack
 a mere toy.” We need to maintain an equilibrium between the different aspects of our life to be balanced. But for
 many of us, that’s easier said than done!&nbsp;



I have a notoriously sweet tooth. Sometimes, the one thing that keeps me from overindulging is my mother’s voice,
 repeating in my head like a broken record, “Do everything in moderation, Kalyani!” Whether I’m limiting screen time
 or junk food with my children, I often spout the same sentiment if not the same words, having recognized the wisdom
 in them. My youngest always laughs in amazement when I tell him that he could go overboard with eating healthy food
 as well! Like eating too many carrots and turning orange!



How to go about leading a balanced lifestyle?



The best place to start is by making a list! Prioritizing can prove challenging. So if everything is laid out right
 in front of you, it’s easier to see how the different pieces of the puzzle fit. Write down what you value and
 determine whether you’re giving it enough attention.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Whether it’s your mind
 or your body, they are deeply connected:
 the other will thrive if you take care of one.</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Since our existence relies on health, I’d say it’s critical, if not the most important! Yet, it’s often something
 people most neglect. It could be because we’re burning the midnight oil, taking care of everyone else and finding no
 time for ourselves, or because self-destructive behavior has become natural to us. Our mental health inevitably
 suffers when we neglect our physical health, whether through lack of proper nutrition, exercise, or sleep. It can be
 the reverse, too, making it a vicious cycle. Whether it’s your mind or your body, they are deeply connected: the
 other will thrive if you take care of one.



<hr class="vertical-space1">


<div class="block-image">
 <figure><img decoding="async" width="600" height="659" alt="" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_balancing_act2_36ca475f9d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:14:09.048Z">
 </figure>
</div>


<hr class="vertical-space1">



Living optimally has to do with fulfillment and satisfaction, not perfection. Look at your list and set goals that
 align your desire with how you live your life. What are your physical, mental, and emotional needs? Only when you
 incorporate those will you have actual control and ownership of your life.&nbsp;



Part of the balancing act is also learning to compromise. If you have a family, how will you and your partner
 prioritize so that responsibilities are symmetric? An unequal relationship becomes a breeding ground for resentment.




Finally, finding enough time to achieve your goals often means simplifying your life. It’s impossible to devote
 yourself fully to anything if you have too much on your plate. If you want your family to spend more time together,
 try cutting out two hours of everyone’s screen time.&nbsp;



We’re all tightrope walkers in life. When you find your balance, the steadiness within will keep you upright.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by EMI TSE</h4>



<hr>

The balancing act

<h4>KALYANI ADUSUMILLI shares her personal experiences of remembrance, and the relationship between the past and the present. Through some painful experiences, she has learned how to have a positive focus, and not remain trapped in the past.</h4>Remembrance is a laden word with heavy meaning, carrying such weight in our hearts and minds. Because it signifies memories or recollections, the feelings it elicits can be both painful and pleasing. Typically, remembrance occurs in honor of a loved one or a person of significance after they have passed. Many countries hold Remembrance Day to recognize fallen soldiers for their courage and sacrifice in defending their homeland. Whether observed ceremonially or more privately in thoughts, remembrance allows people to pay their respects. Though sadness often accompanies memories, remembering provides solace by keeping our dear ones with us forever in our hearts and minds. Sharing memories with others is an essential source of strength and unites us in grief. When I write of remembrance, I instinctively think of my beloved sister, who died tragically in a car accident in her mid-thirties. Commemoration of the anniversary of her death started as a day shrouded in grief and mourning as the gaping wound in my heart remained fresh and raw. But with the passage of time and healing, I stopped focusing solely on the loss. Instead, I began to draw comfort from the abundance of happy memories I was fortunate enough to have had with my sister. And on her birthday, I make a point to celebrate her beautiful spirit and everything she loved, right down to her favorite chocolate cake! Whereas previously I’d thought only of my sorrow at her absence in my life and that of my children’s, I remembered that she remained a part of my sons and me and that I could still draw strength from everything she’d given me, including her unfailing confidence in me. None of that died with her. I’d been so focused on my boys not having the benefit of their aunt in their lives that I’d neglected to consider that I could fill theirs with the same joy and exuberance she’d brought to mine. Now, I’ve reached a point where I reflect peacefully on our time together and trust in the immortality of her main legacy, unconditional love. Of course, remembrance doesn’t always pertain to death. Sometimes, it’s simply reminiscing about a past event or a powerful impression left on our minds. My fond recollections of my children’s milestones or my former travel adventures also constitute remembrance. And as we age, the tendency to balk at change and reminisce about “the good old days” (for me, that’s the 80s and 90s!) rises exponentially.&nbsp; Naturally, not all remembrances are agreeable. When we recall an unpleasant experience, it’s easy to succumb to the negative emotions it draws forth, especially when it forces us to relive the trauma. Yet even the distressing events have a purpose, providing an opportunity to grow and learn from them. Remembrance of past atrocities, such as slavery and genocide, serves as a warning so that future generations avoid repeating the same mistakes. Historical reminders in those instances can prompt healing and forgiveness.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Understanding the past also helps us to discover our purpose and reach our full potential.&nbsp;</h4><hr>Understanding the past also helps us to discover our purpose and reach our full potential. Ultimately, the power of remembrance lies in giving the past its due by recognizing its continuing impact, while remaining tethered in the present.<hr>Illustration by JASMEE MUDGAL<hr>

Remembrance

Karen is a project manager for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards a more sustainable future.

KAREN-EYTHORSDOTTIR.jpg

Karen Eyþórsdóttir

<h4>KAREN EYÞÓRSDÓTTIR works for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards a more sustainable future. Here she is interviewed by MADELEINE OLIVE about her work, qualities of a leader, and how meditation helps her in day-to-day life.</h4><hr>Q: Thank you so much for being here with us. Can you share the story of your life in Iceland?KE: Icelanders are global champions when it comes to women’s rights, although we can always do better. I grew up in a society where I was allowed to believe I could be anyone, and work in any field. As I began to form my own opinions of the world, I developed a strong sense of justice and curiosity, and engaged in diverse student activities at college. I was the youngest board member of the Student Association and the following year I became the president.My interests ranged from Icelandic opera to writing for the school paper, and I loved to get involved in events that supported human rights. I started to see that there is still a lot of injustice toward women, so my initial step was into women’s rights, for students and teachers, and improving teachers’ salaries. As cliched as it may sound, I always wanted to improve the world, to leave it better than when I came to it.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Mynd_1_utskriftargrein_700x466_1319e4a734.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:48:42.782Z" alt="Mynd-1-utskriftargrein"><hr>As an Icelandic girl, I was able to pursue the education I wished on a global scale, although here there is still a class division, and there are a lot of missed opportunities because of that. In junior college, I became interested in meditation, and was involved with the Brahma Kumaris. Then I went to Taiwan to learn meditation in a Buddhist monastery, and I traveled the world for a bit. I moved to London, and the fast tempo of working in the financial industry was a maturing but difficult experience. Then I moved to Copenhagen to study business. I wanted to learn how to change the system from within.I had done a lot of activist work before that, and I was tired of being angry and standing outside with a billboard shouting. I do believe in activism, and I still do it. I strongly encourage young people to engage in it, because I saw a study that showed that if only 3.5% of a community come together and ask for change, there is a very high probability that the change will happen. But when it came to choosing my field of study, I chose business because I love organizing, and I wanted to change things from within.<hr><hr><h4>I saw a study that showed that if only 3.5% of a community come together&nbsp; and ask for change, there is a very high probability&nbsp; that the change will happen.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>Q: Tell us about your work for the city of Reykjavik.KE: I gather data on sustainability indicators and work with matters relating to climate change. I also work on European cooperation, as we want to learn from other cities. My team wrote an application in January 2022 to be a part of the “100 Climate-neutral and Smart Cities” initiative, which is a Horizon Europe project run by the European Union and the European Commission. We applied and were chosen to be one of the 112 European cities to be front runners to reach carbon neutrality by 2030.The national goal of Iceland is to be climate neutral by 2040, and the government has its own strategies and regulations around that, but the city of Reykjavik is going to try to be climate neutral by 2030. To do that we need a lot of support. My task in the coming months is to map out the stakeholders, engage with organizations and citizens, and create climate city contracts. These contracts will focus on how we are going to reach this target. I will do my best to make sure our city reaches its target.Q: What are some other cities involved in this project?KE: There is Malmo in Sweden, Madrid, Krakow, Mannheim, Helsinki, Copenhagen, and many more. If you Google “100 Climate-neutral and Smart Cities by 2030” you will see the list. There are 100 EU cities and another 12 associated cities like us, as Iceland is an associated country.Q: How do you involve young people in your programs?KE: For this sort of project, the city really wants to engage citizens, and young people are a very important part of that. How we will engage them is yet to be worked out, but we are trying things. For example, we have a Climathon, where we encourage young people to form teams and find solutions to societal problems using innovation and creative ideas. And there’s a portal for applications for annual grants, so that young people can apply for grants if they want to start their own company or go into project management. You can go to reykjavik.is or reykjavik.com and learn more about young citizens’ engagement in various programs.Q: Can you describe the qualities you admire in a good leader?KE: The best leaders are not the ones who go after leadership roles, but who are leaders in their own environment, maybe without even knowing it. They can also be leaders in their family, in their friends’ group, in the house where they live, or in their community.A good leader aspires to inspire and to draw out the best in others. Instead of being solely driven by ego (although ego can be a good leadership quality), a good leader is driven by love, by wanting to create something good, wanting to improve the lives of others, and wanting to create solutions that will make something better. They are humble and want to work with people, rather than having people work under them. Everyone pulls the wagon together. A leader is simply the one who manages the process and sees the good qualities in each and every person, and creates a platform or an opportunity for each person to use their best qualities. A good leader does that with encouragement, rather than giving orders.<hr><hr><h4>A good leader is driven by love,&nbsp; by wanting to create something good,&nbsp; wanting to improve the lives of others,&nbsp; and wanting to create solutions&nbsp; that will make something better.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>A good leader is very human, admitting mistakes, and encouraging others to admit mistakes. I’ve recently changed positions, and in the new team we start each meeting with a round of asking how we’re feeling today, where we’re coming from today. It’s great because if you say, “I’m in a bad mood,” or “I’ve had a bad morning,” people understand and won’t take it personally or believe it’s their fault. It gives them space. Our supervisor also does it, and I think it’s admirable.Q: Where do you learn that skill? Do they teach it in business school?KE: In business school, there is leadership training and theory, but it’s not always in this direction. We are taught the theory behind successful leaders, and we read cases about leaders who walk the talk, and treat everyone the same, and so forth, but you also have to learn by doing, and by watching leaders around you, and leaders you look up to, and asking, “What qualities does this person have, and why do I look up to them? Why are they a leader to me?”You can also attend self-improvement courses and life-skills courses, watch TED talks, listen to podcasts, become aware, and ask yourself, “Am I a leader? Do I want to be a leader?”<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Changing_the_system_from_within3_7f0a657951.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:49:33.944Z" alt="Changing-the-system-from-within3"><hr>Q: It’s inspiring and it helps you to grow.KE: Yes, it’s a great point! A leader wants others to grow, wants people to succeed them. That’s a really great quality.Q: You used the word “love.” Do you learn to love in business school? It’s a core attitude or way of being. I don’t think you can learn that in business school.KE: I totally understand your point. People often say that we should be learning these human qualities in school, but I don’t think we have to learn everything in our institutions. If we want to see a change in the world, a change in human behavior, we have to be that change, and educate the children and adolescents around us. I don’t think we can put the responsibility of teaching human goodness on institutions. It’s the love of people, the self-sacrifice and devotion, that shows us.<hr><hr><h4>If we want to see a change in the world,&nbsp; a change in human behavior, we have to be that change,&nbsp; and educate the children and adolescents around us.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>Q: You mentioned meditation. Are you still meditating? And does it help you in your work to arrive at something? Sometimes we have ideas like, “I would like to lead by love,” etc., but how do we arrive at this? Is meditation a useful tool in your work?KE: Absolutely. It has helped me tremendously to have stepped into the world of meditation over the years, and I always wish I did it every morning, but I don’t always give myself the time. Meditation is not something you can read about; it’s something you have to practice for yourself. Having practiced over the years, I feel like it helps me every day. If I am stressed out, I do a breathing technique. If I am going into a big meeting, I often go into a quiet room, put on my headphones, go into a meditation app, and press 1-minute meditation so I can relax and be present before the meeting. It has really helped me stay present.It’s also a tool to work with people, because I often have to deal with many different personalities. People might be having a bad day or feeling negative about something, and having love in my mind and unconditional love for coworkers really helps. I couldn’t recommend it more. There’s never a downside to meditation.<hr><hr><h4>Meditation is not something you can read about;&nbsp; it’s something you have to practice for yourself.&nbsp; Having practiced over the years,&nbsp; I feel like it helps me every day.&nbsp;</h4><hr>

Changing the system from within

<h4 class=""
 id="h-karen-ey-rsd-ttir-works-for-the-city-of-reykjavik-in-the-field-of-climate-change-and-european-cooperation-adopting-international-standards-in-the-city-s-progress-towards-a-more-sustainable-future-here-she-is-interviewed-by-madeleine-olive-about-the-sustainable-reykjavik-of-the-future-and-the-importance-of-togetherness">
 KAREN
 EYÞÓRSDÓTTIR
 works for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European
 cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards
 a more sustainable future. Here she is interviewed by
 MADELEINE OLIVE
 about the sustainable Reykjavik of the future and the importance of
 togetherness.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 A Sustainable
 Future
</h4>


 Q: What is your vision for
 Reykjavik as a sustainable city of the
 future?



 KE: After Covid,
 Reykjavik created something called the Green Plan. It’s an
 outreach program based on the city’s vision for a sustainable environment,
 outlining funding and green spaces for the next 10 years.



 There’s a lot of emphasis on green transport, infrastructure, neighborhoods,
 and innovation in green jobs. The Green Plan aims to create a better city to
 live in, and incorporates the three pillars of sustainability – economic,
 social, and environmental – to ultimately create an environment-friendly city.
 And this Green Plan is very much in line with the 100 climate-neutral and
 smart cities program. That’s our vision.



 Q: Did growing up with
 nature all around you educate you about the
 environment?



 KE: In Iceland we
 grow up in close proximity to nature, and many of us live by
 the sea. If you drive out of the city for half an hour, you experience
 untouched nature, which is such a privilege. And as you grow older, you
 appreciate it more and more. I wouldn’t say that Icelanders are more
 respectful of nature than other people. We spend a lot of time in the city and
 go to the countryside once in a while, but not many people really go out on a
 hike in nature or go up to the highlands.



 Iceland is rich in natural resources, like hydropower and wind power. We use
 hydropower to generate electricity, and we use geothermal energy – where hot
 water is pumped from the ground – to heat the houses. But there is an
 ever-increasing need for electricity. A recent report said that to achieve
 carbon neutrality by 2040, we need to dam our rivers to generate hydroelectric
 power. Another report stated that we need to build five more dams to harness
 this amount of energy.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 The Green Plan aims to
 create a better city to live in, and
 incorporates the three pillars of sustainability –economic, social,
 and environmental – to ultimately create an environment-friendly
 city.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div>
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="600" height="811" alt="" class="lazyload mx-auto d-block has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_green_city2a_a89d6f8756.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-13T02:15:54.728Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 But that would mean flooding entire valleys and their ecosystems, flora, and
 wildlife, which I think is a big shame because Iceland has one of the most
 untouched highlands. There aren’t many places like it, at least in Europe. We
 really do need to protect these areas. There are all too many people willing
 to sacrifice them in order to create more dams to sell more cheap energy to
 the industry.



 I guess living in close proximity to nature does makes you feel more connected
 to it, but I think we can protect it better. You will protect something that
 you love.


<h4>
 Young
 Leaders
</h4>


 Q: Would you like to share
 something on how to empower and encourage young
 people to become leaders?



 KE: My primary
 advice to young people is to nurture yourself, because you have
 to put the oxygen mask on first before you can assist others. And after you
 have nurtured yourself and found your own strengths, find the field of study
 or area of work you want to engage in. Then, I encourage you to get involved
 in any way possible.



 Often, we feel that our voices are not heard, or that we are not invited to
 have a seat at the table. But in my experience, there are a lot more
 opportunities than we think. For instance, you can be a mentor at your
 university, helping students find their feet and guiding them. You can be a
 volunteer with the UN. You can volunteer, like you are doing with the
 Heartfulness Magazine.



 I was a deputy delegate to the UN on sustainable development, but then came
 Covid. So, I didn’t get to do nearly as much as I wanted to. Now Covid is
 lifting. There are multiple ways to volunteer, and if you don’t have time, you
 can be a leader within your environment. But it really all starts with
 nurturing yourself first, finding self-acceptance, self-love. Find your
 strengths and work on them, and then you can start assisting others. It always
 has to come from love. Any kind of activity or decision is so much more
 powerful if it comes from love rather than fear.



 Don’t engage with climate change solely out of fear; do it out of love for the
 future generations. Young people are so powerful. Look out for grants. Very
 often there are grants from municipalities, innovation companies or
 institutions, student associations, etc. Go with your idea and believe in it.



 Then, try to inspire others and be open to the world. Travel, get to know
 other people, be open to other cultures and other ways of seeing things, new
 perspectives. My main message is to embrace openness and inspiration.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div>
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="600" height="811" alt="" class="lazyload mx-auto d-block has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_green_city3a_1253aa0558.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-13T02:18:00.963Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: I am realizing more and
 more the power of togetherness. Thank you very
 much for sharing your thoughts.



 KE: Thank you!

Creating a green city

Karen O'Neill

<h4>Has something ever happened to you seemingly out of the blue? Are such random incidents related, if at all? KAREN O’ NEILL muses on our connection with each other and with the Universe.</h4>Maybe you are thinking of an old friend who coincidentally calls you, or you unexpectedly bump into an acquaintance. A song keeps playing wherever you go, or a sequence of numbers continuously crops up everywhere you look. Later when another seemingly random event occurs, suddenly the mismatched pieces of the puzzle of your life fall into place and, in that moment, the full picture comes into focus. It seems as if the Universe has illuminated the path from behind you, pointing you towards the future.We may all have had such experiences. In those moments the separateness of the parts of our lives, boxed into the predictable and the ordinary, is suddenly turned upside down. The mysterious working of the Universe is briefly exposed to us, and we marvel at how our destinies made up of random and disparate events can be so subtly intertwined. This is called synchronicity.Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.” Sequences of chance encounters and events, and of symbols that may seem mundane, can find meaning if only we expand our awareness to distil the method from the madness. The Universe has strewn daisy chains of its workings for us to stumble across, if only we open our eyes to what is under our feet.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The mysterious working of the Universe is briefly exposed to us, and we marvel at how our destinies made up of random and disparate events can be so subtly intertwined. This is called synchronicity.</h4><hr>In 2015, I made the decision to move to India. A couple of months before I left, a woman I knew gifted me some crystals. I cannot say that I was hugely enamored of the crystals at the time. One was rose quartz in the shape of a heart. I tried to refuse, but she insisted. “Take it,” she said, “you’ll be needing it soon.” Puzzled, I packed it among my belongings.Some months later I came across Heartfulness Meditation. These seemingly unconnected events signaled to me that something had been set in motion from the moment that she had gifted me the heart to the moment I meditated on the heart.So the next time you have a eureka moment, when things fall into place, when the dots connect and you realize that they form the outline of a beautiful galaxy, take a moment. Cherish it. It is a sign that you are on the right path.&nbsp;

Connecting the dots

Karisham is a passionate and detail-oriented 21-year-old design student from South Africa. She is currently perfecting her craft and preparing to start a business. She is also an environmental activist, who is raising money with her brother to create a Heartfulness Forest in South Africa.

Karisham-Kara.jpg

Karisham Kara

<h4>
 A common piece of advice is, “Don’t let your happiness depend on
 others.”
 KARISHAM KARA, a college student in South Africa,
 recognizes that as much as we
 strive to be independent we are inevitably interconnected and need one
 another to thrive and survive.
 
</h4>

<h4>
 She offers 8 tips to be happy while balancing independence and
 interdependence.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I always thought I’d feel more settled in myself and less reliant on
 others as I grew up. In the last few years, however, I have realized how
 interconnected the world is. Nature has so intricately organized herself
 into a system where everything relies on everything else to grow. No
 plant grows in a vacuum without external aid. The earthworms are needed
 to break down matter and create nutrient-dense soil, and the bees are
 needed to pollinate flowers to create seeds. In the same way, we rely on
 businesses to employ us or on customers to sustain our businesses.
 Nothing escapes the webbed arrangement of nature.



 So, when I hear the advice “Never let your happiness depend on others,”
 or “Happiness should come from within,” or “Don’t expect anything from
 anyone,” I feel baffled, because the actions of others do make
 us unhappy sometimes, and they do affect our quality of life.
 No matter how hard we try to be self-reliant, at the end of the day we
 live in a community, and we have to lean on others at times. It feels
 unjust to pin the reason for our unhappiness on ourselves when we are
 not the reason for it, and when we are trying our best to take
 everything positively and grow. Often we feel stuck because of something
 that someone else said or did to us.



 So, I’ve been pondering how to create our own happiness in an
 interconnected world. I’m nowhere near understanding all the answers,
 but my dad likes to say that nobody has the whole puzzle, we just have
 the pieces.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

Here are my 8 tips to being happy:

<h4>
 1. Judge the level of control you have over a
 situation
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips_happiness2" width="153" height="153"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness2_250x250_a20bafd7f3.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:30:33.971Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Let’s take a scenario: You and your co-workers like to celebrate
 together after a project ends. While you enjoy the celebrations, you are
 frustrated because you are doing all the work to plan these
 celebrations. Everyone is having fun, but no one recognizes your efforts
 after finishing a tiring project, which leaves you feeling drained and
 resentful.



 First, analyze the problem. How many people does it affect, and how much
 influence and control do you have? In this case, you have control over
 being able to express your frustrations and asking for help. What stops
 you? Often it is fear.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 2. Happiness comes from within when you eliminate
 fear
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="" width="165" class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness3_250x250_b9eb8b96ac.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:34:19.943Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 There are endless reasons you may not say what you are feeling, but the
 root cause is almost always fear. &nbsp;



 Step one is to honor and accept your feelings. Be aware of what you’re
 going through, and allow yourself to feel it without guilt. Realize that
 you have the right to be responsible for your actions, make mistakes, be
 yourself, be treated with respect, say no, and express your feelings.
 Also, remember that everyone else has these rights, too.



 Step two is to equip yourself with the skills to communicate your
 thoughts and feelings effectively, so that problems can be solved
 creatively and collaboratively.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 3. Understand that event + reaction =
 outcome
</h4>


 Any outcome is reliant upon your reaction or response. To reach the
 desired outcome, your reactions will ideally come from listening to the
 heart. When you learn how to do this, you will not react, and you will
 know how to stand up for yourself.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 4. Communicating effectively: mindset
 shift
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips_happiness4" width="211" height="211"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness4_250x250_8c15c3c9df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:35:59.630Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 In this scenario, you may have kept your feelings to yourself. Then
 after resentment has built up, you may have exploded and said something
 like, “I spend so much time and effort planning these trips, and you all
 enjoy them without giving a second thought to whether you can do the
 same for me!”



 The first step is to create a mindset shift. Rather than thinking no one
 cares about you, and assigning blame and guilt, try to communicate your
 needs to your friends. Then you will be solving the problem
 with your friends. Note the distinction: you’re not fighting
 against your friends, but with them against the
 problem. This important distinction helps you connect with your friends,
 so they will be less defensive and more collaborative.



 We’ve all been there. When we do say things we’ve been itching
 to say, as resentment builds up, it doesn’t offer any relief. Instead,
 we feel more guilty – it leaves a bad feeling in the air. If you’ve made
 it to this point, you’ve likely spent so much time in resentment that
 you’ve lost sight of why it all started. All your attention has gone
 into convincing yourself why the other is a horrible person. So, this
 next step may require a bit of back-tracking.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness5-250x250" width="163" height="163"
 class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness5_250x250_8ebd60a0b2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:37:46.219Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<h4>
 5. Communicating effectively: clearly identifying the
 need
</h4>


 It’s important to clarify your initial needs. In this scenario, perhaps
 what you really felt was that everyone was having fun, and you didn’t
 have the freedom to relax with the responsibility of preparing and
 hosting, which also felt lonely at times.



 Once this need has been identified, it can be clearly communicated to
 your friends. Note how no blame is assigned, as this is all about
 conveying your feelings. It gives an opportunity for your friends to
 step up and collaborate on a solution.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 6. Communicating effectively: vehicle versus
 value
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness6-250x250" width="161" height="161"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness6_250x250_a889939691.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:39:33.100Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Often, we are focused on how we’d like the problem to be
 solved, and we lose sight of identifying the problem. It might feel
 counter-intuitive, but if you keep sight of your values, and the needs
 to be met, you will be happier and more effective in solving the
 problem. You will be focused on the value, not the vehicle.



 In this scenario, rather than insisting that everyone acknowledges and
 praises you for the planning, and is considerate enough to help with the
 following events (this is a vehicle), stay focused on your need to be
 part of the fun rather than overwhelmed by the responsibility (this is a
 value).



 When speaking to your friends, you could say, “When I am consistently
 left to plan our celebratory outings, I start to feel like I am
 responsible for everyone’s enjoyment. What I’d like is to have an equal
 chance to relax and unwind, and to feel like even the planning of these
 events is a fun, bonding experience.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 7. Find the solution
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness7-250x250" width="175" height="175"
 class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness7_250x250_a72f0398de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:40:50.712Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Once you understand your feelings and needs, and can successfully convey
 them, it will be easier to find a solution that works well for everyone,
 especially the people most in need.



 A straightforward solution would be that everyone takes a turn to plan a
 celebration, but there are many other creative ways to stop you feeling
 overwhelmed with responsibility. Sometimes the smallest things can
 change the dynamic of the group.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness8-250x250" width="160" height="160"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness8_250x250_9cd092574c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:42:53.202Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<h4>
 8. Expectation versus invitation
</h4>


 This is where the distinction between expectation and invitation comes.
 Expecting your friends to take the initiative to help without clearly
 communicating your needs, and then getting progressively resentful and
 angry, means that no one gets their needs met.



 In contrast, the method I have outlined is active and allows all of you
 to understand yourselves, communicate, then collaboratively work on
 solutions. It requires you all to try to find solutions that work best
 for everyone.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Sometimes the smallest things can change the dynamic of
 the
 group.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 While others influence our lives, we always have some level of control.
 We can stand up for ourselves and make ourselves happy, while trying our
 best to do so in a way that doesn’t aggravate others. While there is no
 point expecting others to change, we can actively and clearly voice our
 needs as an invitation for collaborative problem solving. In doing so,
 we give space for everyone to show up as they are, which will only
 strengthen our state of interconnectedness.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4>

<hr />

Happiness in an interconnected world

<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h3 style="text-align: center;">GENERATION NOW</h3>
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I was fourteen when my mother left me at boarding school in India. I’m from South Africa and I was so far away from home. I made friends, and school was fun, but one of the things I missed most about home was my mom’s cooking. Not because hostel food was bad (I actually enjoyed it), but because there is something magical and comforting about your mom’s food that you tend to miss when you’re so far from home. I don’t know if I expressed this to my friends, but one day a friend of mine offered me her lunch that her mom had made for her.
“What are you going to eat then?” I asked. 
She just smiled, shrugged and said, “Don’t worry.”
I spent two years with this friend at school, and almost every day she would hand me her lunchbox, and go to the school dining hall for her own lunch (which, might I add, was a difficult task because she wasn’t really allowed to be eating there). She didn’t have to give me her lunch, especially because I had nothing to offer her in return. Her mom’s food was too divine to be giving up, but she always did.
This memory got me thinking about the role that food, generosity, and bonding all have in our lives. Do we feel like offering food to someone we don’t like? No, right? How about when we have a crush on someone? We usually ask them out to come and eat with us. In times of crisis, the constant that most of us have in our lives is having dinner with the family, be it at the same table or over video call. When we love someone, we always ask, “Have you eaten?” So, in my mind, the ultimate form of generosity is sharing food, because food is what we all bond over.
So how can we cultivate a generous heart? Start by bonding with someone you don’t like over food. Open your heart and share what you have. You’ll see the bond form so fast and your own heart will grow. I speak from experience, because when I think back to this time in school, the strongest bonds I created were with those people with whom I shared food. Sharing food is an act of the heart, especially when you’re in a hostel and you have the urge to save all the yummy things to snack on at night when everyone is sleeping! But in our hostel, that’s not how it worked. We all opened up and generously shared what we had. In the process, we opened our hearts more and became generous in other ways in our relationships. It was a gateway to accepting people the way they are: listening to their stories, viewpoints, and hardships; laughing and crying with them; and truly understanding them, their needs, wants and dreams.
If this were the mentality in our everyday world, imagine how much closer we’d all be! In today’s world there is such a lack of vulnerability and openness in our relationships. We don’t communicate properly and enough. Generosity of the heart is that key to better connections, and sharing food is one key to becoming more generous.
<hr class="vertical-space1">

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by KARISHAM KARA</h4>

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