Remembering and forgetting

KAPIL NAIDU explores the paradox of remembering and forgetting, and how he resolved it through experience. Along the way, he learned some important life lessons!

“Kapil, take care, and remember not to forget.”

This was the last thing my Dad said to me at the airport  when I was leaving for the US to pursue my undergraduate studies. 

I chuckled and said, “Yeah, I won’t Papa,” as I walked away.

I found the phrase quite funny at the time, and as I was completing my check-in I thought about it. “Remember not to forget.” What does that even mean?

I had a bad habit of forgetting things, and I was pretty ignorant of the fact for the longest time. As I was growing up, I remember my parents constantly telling me how I was leaving the shampoo bottle open, the front door wide open, to clean my room, and an endless list of things. These so-called “memory lapses” conveniently applied only to essential tasks.

As I was going to sleep one night at 7:30 p.m., I remembered I had a school project due the next day. I ran to my mom and said “Momma, I have a school project due tomorrow.” She didn’t look too surprised that I would pull such stunts with homework assignments, and she would make me finish them before I went to sleep. She asked me what the project was, and I said I had to take a model of the Egyptian pyramids to school the next day. Now, this was a shock even for her. She was infuriated and gave me a mouthful. But of course, the charm of unconditional motherly love eventually kicked in after she cooled down, and she sat with me till 1:00 a.m. essentially doing the project for me. Unfortunately for me, this was not the end of such events, and it took me many years to become less carefree and ignorant about things. To this day, this is still a work in progress.

I completed my check-in and kept pondering over what my dad meant. I knew on the face of it he meant I should be more careful and less forgetful, but the phrase was an oxymoron. To remember means you have forgotten. But, there was also a completely different interpretation of this phrase. A lot of us struggle with forgetting the past and constantly keep brooding over the same events over and over again. So now could this mean that we should keep reminding ourselves to forget the past.

I was now fascinated by this train of thought and decided to see what people have said about this on the internet. One article said that it is human nature to remember things that should be forgotten, and to forget things that should be remembered. It emphasized the importance of recalling what God wants us to remember and forgetting what we should leave behind. Another article spoke about how the Israelites repeatedly forgot God’s acts like the Red Sea crossing, a miraculous event where God parted the waters to free the Israelites from Egypt.

This was a new twist, the phrase had a spiritual meaning to it as well!

Having grown up in a family that practices the Heartfulness way of meditation, I had taken up meditation at age of 14. A big component of the practice is the morning meditation, where you close your eyes and give a gentle suggestion that there is a divine light in your heart and stay with that thought. It is recommended that after meditating we remind ourselves to stay connected with the inner state acquired from the morning meditation. So this would be an effort of constantly remembering the state acquired through meditation throughout the day. This meant that I should keep reminding myself not to forget that state.

Now I was truly torn, I agreed that it was important to remember not to forget important things such as essential tasks and remaining connected with ourselves. But I also agreed that it was important to forget the past and live in the present moment. I decided this was too complex a topic to think about, and I was no philosopher to decipher this truly paradoxical statement. I started watching a movie on the flight and went on with things, completely forgetting this thought process.

Cut to almost two years later, when I was in India visiting my parents who live in Kanha Shanti Vanam, the headquarters for the Heartfulness institute. There was a book release on one of the days and the book was called The Power of Paradox by Daaji. I enjoy reading, so I bought a copy and started reading immediately. This book was full of paradoxes like the one I was thinking about earlier. There was a particular chapter where Daaji talks about thinking and remembering, pointing out that true remembrance goes beyond simply recalling memories—it dissolves the boundaries of time and space, blending the person remembering with whatever they remember.

As I read Daaji’s words, a clear image of my dad smiling at me in the airport flashed through my mind, as he reminded me, “Remember not to forget.” It all made sense now. He wasn’t telling me just to remember tasks or chores. Instead, he was talking about something much deeper; staying connected to who I truly am, holding onto the inner peace from meditation, and remembering the values and love given to me by those I cherish. It also meant consciously choosing to let go of past mistakes, regrets, and negativity, essentially forgetting what doesn’t serve my growth and happiness.

Daaji beautifully described remembrance as something more profound than just recalling events: “Through genuine remembrance, you become one with what you remember, erasing all boundaries. Remembrance then becomes a state of pure being.” That hit me deeply. True remembrance was living fully connected to what matters most—the Divine within us, the people we love, and the experiences that shape us.

I sat quietly for a moment, thinking about how my life often swung between remembering trivial things and forgetting truly important ones. Now, it had become clear to me: remembering not to forget meant consciously choosing what matters, being present with loved ones, staying true to myself, and letting go of anything that kept me stuck in the past.

Remembering not to forget meant
consciously choosing what matters, 
being present with loved ones, 
staying true to myself, and letting go of anything 
that kept me stuck in the past.

The paradox I once found confusing had resolved itself through real-life experience. From that day onward, that simple phrase became a quiet reminder to stay mindful, appreciate meaningful relationships, and let go of unnecessary baggage. And now, whenever I catch myself drifting away, losing focus, or dwelling on the past, I smile and softly remind myself, “Remember not to forget.”

Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL