default

David Bohm

Real dialogue

David Whyte

Ultimate friendship

Only you can fill it

Beautiful questions

Dee Hock

Fill yourself with creativity

Dr. Chopra is the founder of the Chopra Foundation and Chopra Global. He is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and has written over 90 books. TIME magazine has described him as one of their 100 most influential people.

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Deepak Chopra

<hr><h4 style="text-align:justify;">DEEPAK CHOPRA speaks with DAAJI about the role Yoga has to play in bringing about world peace. This is an excerpt from their conversation broadcast on International Day of Peace, September 21, 2020. That documentary is available at: <a href="https://heartfulness.org/en/international-day-of-peace/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://heartfulness.org/en/international-day-of-peace/</a>.&nbsp;</h4><hr>Daaji: Namaste, Sir.DC: Daaji, it is a great honour to be with you and celebrate World Peace Day. I was thinking, as I was getting online to speak with you, of the basic Yamas and Niyamas that are the basis of all of our yogic tradition. And if you look at the Yamas in order, it all starts with ahimsa. Ahimsa is the first Yama, which means to be established in non-violence.&nbsp;The great sage Patanjali says that when we are firmly established in peace-consciousness ourselves, then all beings around us cease to feel hostility. So you are actually to do nothing but be peaceful yourself, and bring the presence of peace wherever you go. If you do that, then people around you will feel peaceful, not by what you say, not even by what you do, but just by your presence.&nbsp;That is the great gift of Patanjali, when he says the first lesson of Yoga is to start with ahimsa. Then you start with satya. Satya is truth. When you have satya added to ahimsa, you automatically have asteya. Asteya means you don’t covet anything, because you are totally fulfilled within yourself. And from that experience of asteya, non-stealing, non-covetousness, non-jealousy, comes what Patanjali calls aparigraha, which means detachment from the fruits of action, which ultimately leads to the best use of your energy, your vital energy, your vital force.&nbsp;And so, on World Peace Day, I think it is very appropriate for us to celebrate the great yogic traditions of India that also talk about the Niyamas – cleanliness, shaucha; fulfilment that comes from self-study or swadhyaya; and the effulgence that comes from the radiation of peace and ultimately results in what we call the oneness with our Source.So Yoga is that tradition, and everything that we are doing in this world is the opposite of Yoga. We are coming from the fragmented mind, from the ego mind, which makes us look at ourselves as separate beings, and looks at the world also as separate, when we are one with it. As you know, one of the greatest Mahavakyas is “Tattvamasi” – whatever I see, I see pure consciousness; whatever I see, I see the Divine; whatever I see, I see the Infinite. It doesn’t matter what it is; it could be a cup of coffee that is the modified expression of the Infinite.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>Bring the presence of peace wherever you go. If you do that, then people around you will feel peaceful, not by what you say, not even by what you do, but just by your presence.&nbsp;<hr><hr>So, on World Peace Day, I think we should just be peace, we should speak peace, we should create peace, we should express peace, and we should celebrate peace. If enough of us do this, then we will have a peaceful world, because I have seen enough peace activists, even Nobel Prize winners in peace, and they are not peaceful. So peace can only by created by those who are peaceful, just like love can only be expressed by those who have received or given love. So, we have to be the change we want to see in the world, as Mahatma Gandhi is supposed to have said. And if there is a critical mass of that, and that’s why we are having this conversation, then hopefully we can reach a more peaceful, just, sustainable, healthier, and joyful world.Right now, the world is very divisive, very quarrelsome, all within ideological conflicts. All the conflicts, whether it is communism, socialism, capitalism … these are good ideas meant for humanity, but human beings corrupt them, because they come from “self,” selfishness, basically. Me, mine. Everything is me and mine.&nbsp;Now that we are celebrating World Peace Day with this great heritage that you represent, of India, then it is possible, by changing these conversations and having a critical mass participating in these conversations, that we can be the change we want to see in the world.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/yoga_peace2_08540fd31b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:13:31.006Z" alt="yoga-peace"><hr>So, that is why I am so happy to speak to you. As you rightly said, meditation is the key to cut the veil of ignorance. Having gone through some of your material, I realize that you are very focused on what you call heart meditation, and recently there is a lot of research showing that your heart is actually also like your brain, except your heart is more contextual, more relational, more holistic. It doesn’t have a win-lose orientation, it is intuitive, it is eavesdropping on a larger non-local mind, you might say.&nbsp;You know, the heart sets the coherence for the whole body. If one puts attention on the heart, meditates from the heart, even reads into the heart, or just has awareness of the heart as the seat of love, compassion, joy and equanimity, just that experience immediately changes heart wave coherence. It changes what we call heart rate variability. It creates a coherent electromagnetic – what some people would call an aura – but it is actually an energy field that extends about six feet, which can be detected. But actually, it extends indefinitely into space-time, we just can’t detect with our instruments beyond six to seven feet.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>If one puts attention on the heart, meditates from the heart, even reads into the heart, or just has awareness of the heart as the seat of love, compassion, joy and equanimity, just that experience immediately changes heart wave coherence.&nbsp;<hr><hr>Everything that you experience and emanates from the heart is pervading all of space-time. This is the master oxylator of the body. We have a pacemaker here, a hundred cells that work together to make the heartbeat, and then that pacemaker sets pace-making everywhere – the brain, all the cells, ultimately the total body, which is the electromagnetic activity of the universe, which is the universal electromagnetic activity.&nbsp;So, in today’s science, they identify four basic forces: electromagnetism, which is what we are using right now to have this communication, then the strong and weak nuclear interactions at the subatomic level, which are actually the same as the electromagnetic emanations of your body. They are the same, there is no difference. And finally gravity, which people don’t fully understand – how to correlate gravity with these forces and elements of the universe. Right now, people are thinking gravity is just the curvature of space-time, and is not actually a fundamental force, in the same way as quantum forces.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/yoga_peace3_aefd64a4ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:13:30.996Z" alt="yoga-peace"><hr>Even with all that, and leaving all the science aside, Patanjali, you, and the great Indian heritage are teaching the world: Even without knowing the science, as science is just a mapping of experience, we know that we actually feel through the heart. Even if you translate the four Yogas – Raja Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga and Karma Yoga – it begins with Raja Yoga, which is meditation. And then Bhakti Yoga comes second, because out of that meditation comes the feeling that we call love and compassion and joy and equanimity. And then the third thing that happens automatically is the shift in identity, so Jnana Yoga also comes afterwards – identity. “Who am I?” “What am I?” Am I just this skin-encapsulated ego dragging a bag of flesh and bones, or am I the source of all experience? Jnana Yoga comes third. And finally comes Karma Yoga. You know, Karma Yoga is not a forced action. It is spontaneous. If we are established in ahimsa, then everything is spontaneous. We don’t have to do anything. Being is enough.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>The heart is the seat not only of consciousness, but of intelligence. And the heart’s intelligence is superior to the brain’s intelligence, and to any other intelligence.&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><hr>So this is where the great contribution of luminaries like yourself helps us, because we can understand that the heart is the seat not only of consciousness, but of intelligence. And the heart’s intelligence is superior to the brain’s intelligence, and to any other intelligence. Blaise Pascal, the French philosopher, said, “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.” The heart is the seat of ultimate, infinite computing, that is being downloaded from Brahman itself.So, for that reason, I think what you are doing, contributing with heart meditation, and bringing peace to the world, is such a great thing that I am very honored and privileged to support this event.Daaji: Thank you.DC: Thank you.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Conversation with DEEPAK CHOPRA Illustrations by GAYATRI PACHPANDE &nbsp;</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Yoga & peace

<h4>DEEPAK CHOPRA was interviewed in Kanha Shanti Vanam on July 2, 2023, by EKTA BOUDERLIQUE. After an illustrious career bridging health, science, and spirituality, he tackles the big questions of consciousness, existence, truth, and human evolution, and challenges science to re-assess the questions it is asking.</h4><h4>Human evolution</h4>Q: So hello and welcome, sir. It is such a pleasure and honor to have you among us in Kanha Shanti Vanam. You are the face of health, not just in America, but also here in India. You have shown Ayurveda to the world. We are very happy you are here. How has your experience of Kanha been?DC: It has been extraordinary. First of all, I’ve never seen so many people meditating together in such a beautiful setting. And everyone here is dedicated to service and sadhana. You have all three things needed for enlightenment – sewa, sangha, and sadhana [service, community, and practice]. You don’t need anything more.Q: Thank you, sir, for saying that. Our efforts have been in that direction, and we are happy when people visit. Even more so, because you can give us a perspective on what could happen here. What is the potential that you see here?DC: I think if there are enough people having an authentic experience of reality, and living that experience, it will hopefully create a critical mass of consciousness over the planet, toward a more peaceful, just, sustainable, healthy, and joyful world.&nbsp;Right now, it’s not a good situation with war, terrorism, eco destruction, extinction of species, pandemics, mass migrations … you name it. Everything that’s happening is a combination that could lead to human extinction. It’s not just theoretical anymore.&nbsp;We’ve made so many advances in science and technology, everything is dependent on technology, including this conversation. Yet, that technology, in combination with a very medieval mindset of tribalism, ethnocentrism, racism, bigotry, hatred, prejudice, is devastating in its bias. Before we had regional issues, but now every issue becomes global immediately. There’s nothing that happens anywhere that doesn’t affect the whole planet.&nbsp;So if you can create a conscious community here, and replicate it elsewhere, which I believe Daaji is doing, we have the key for collective transformation.&nbsp;In the big scheme, I don’t think it makes a difference if humanity disappears. Nature has its own way of deciding what’s the next phase of evolution. Sixty-five million years ago, dinosaurs were wiped out in a matter of a week or less, and we are here because of that. So if we disappear, maybe God has better plans – human evolution hasn’t worked, so let’s try something else.Q: Yes, but I guess as part of our consciousness, it’s important that we take our responsibility seriously. Doing the right thing will leave behind a legacy.&nbsp;DC: We do what needs to be done, but we don’t control the outcome.<h4>Personal evolution</h4>Q: How do you see your own life’s journey of consciousness?&nbsp;DC: Well, I started as a very traditional medical doctor. I trained at AIIMS, the All India Institute of Medical Science in Delhi. Then I went to the US and trained in medicine, endocrinology, and neuroendocrinology. I was looking at the molecules in the brain that correspond to our emotions. And they turned out to be immunomodulators. So that led me to Mind-Body Medicine.&nbsp;It took me a while to realize that even the phrase Mind-Body Medicine is not accurate, because it implies a difference between the mind and the body. They simply have different frequencies of consciousness. The body is a particular frequency that we call perceptual activity, and the mind is another frequency that we call conceptual activity. They’re parallel and complementary activities of consciousness.&nbsp;Because of my science background, I was led ultimately to what is called the hard problem of consciousness. How do neural firings and neurochemistry create what we call experience – sensations, perceptions, images, feelings, thoughts? That’s considered to be the hard problem of consciousness in science.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/right_question2_387a67d6b0.jpg"></figure><h4>Consciousness</h4>DC: If you Google the 125 open questions in science, number one is: What is the universe made of? The second is: What’s the biological basis of consciousness? It’s been a struggle for both philosophers and scientists, globally. Since Plato in the West, in many schools we find matter-only ontology, consciousness-only ontology, and mind and body as two separate things. But the hard problem of consciousness exists because we are asking the wrong questions.Number one, the universe is not made of anything. It’s constructed in consciousness as a perceptual activity. Number two, there is no biological basis of consciousness, because biology is an experience in consciousness. If we keep asking the wrong questions, we’ll never have the answers.&nbsp;It took me a long time to understand that our scientific model is based on something called naïve realism. Naïve realism means that we assume the world we experience is real, and objective reality corresponds to human perception. But human perception is a very narrow band of activity within a very, very limited electromagnetic spectrum. Furthermore, it’s species specific. Furthermore, it’s experienced through what we call the conditioned mind. Furthermore, it assumes matter as the ontological primitive [outside and independent of experience]. Furthermore, it’s based on the concept of subject-object split.&nbsp;As you look at these arguments, it becomes obvious that naïve realism is a convenient way of doing science and creating technology. But it has nothing to do with truth. You can create virtual reality (VR), and extend the VR we already exist in. Actually, it’s already VR; now we don’t call it Maya, but it is Maya. Maya simply means matter. The words Maya, matter, mother, matrika, meter, time, and music, all come from one idea that what we see or experience, including our own body, including our own brain, is an activity of consciousness. There is no brain producing consciousness. Consciousness is modifying itself into mind brain universe.&nbsp;And while it’s doing that as a human experience, it’s also doing it as a butterfly experience, as a snake experience, as a chameleon experience; every species has its own universe. Then you get within the species, within our species. You have your own universe, and I have my own universe.&nbsp;So, if you walk around New York City or Grand Central Station, each human being is an observation deck for the universal experience, for a particular point of view in space-time. Furthermore, it is an impermanent point of view, because by the time you perceive something, it’s already over. By the time I hear your conversation, or even look at you, that which I looked at is no longer there. Everything, everybody you see is a ghost, and the collective universe that we experience is a collective dreamscape. This is what it means to be asleep, the stage of ignorance. And the goal of spiritual awakening is to wake up from this.&nbsp;Wittgenstein, the Austrian philosopher, said we are asleep, our life is a dream, but once in a while we wake up enough to know that we’re dreaming. So waking up is very crucial, but you can’t wake up if you have the wrong assumption that matter creates consciousness. You’ll never solve that.&nbsp;Matter, atoms, molecules, space, time, force fields, gravity are human names. Who created the word gravity? Human beings. Who created the words atoms, molecules? Human beings. But before they said, “This is a molecule,” there was an experience. And that experience was a perceptual and cognitive activity in consciousness. So before I call this “a glass of water,” it is a sensation, a touch, a taste, a smell, a sound. And then, as humans, we call this combination of sensations a glass of water. We call this a body, we call this the Sun, that the Moon. We made it up, just like we made up latitude, longitude, Greenwich Mean Time, nation states, money.&nbsp;Q: Actually that’s good news, because if that is the truth then we can switch it around. And that’s what I think meditation pertains to.DC: Correct. You can be free of your constructs and create new ones, upgrade the illusion.Q: That’s fantastic.&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/right_question3_af76856c04.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The body is a particular frequency&nbsp; that we call perceptual activity,&nbsp; and the mind is another frequency that we call conceptual activity. They’re parallel and complementary activities of consciousness.</h4><hr><h4>Self-awareness</h4>Q: What message would you have for young people? A lot of young people join our programs and draw counsel.DC: If you substitute the word “spirituality” with the word “self-awareness,” then ask yourself: What is the self? What is awareness? Then ask yourself: Am I the changing body, or an activity in the self or awareness? Am I the changing mind, or an activity in the self or the awareness? The only thing that doesn’t change is the awareness. When I say, “I was five years old, 10 years old, 15 years old,” the “I” that says that doesn’t change. Everything else changes. Self and awareness go together; there is no self that is independent of awareness.&nbsp;When scientists look at anything, they assume existence, whatever existence, we say, “There is existence.” Of course, existence is a mystery, but the awareness of existence is a bigger mystery. Because if there was no awareness of existence, then there is no existence. So awareness and existence go together. They’re the same thing. Now you add another word to it, truth. Then you have the answer. Truth, awareness, existence are the same thing. We call it sat-chit-ananda, and they’re inseparable, the same thing.&nbsp;When you speak of God, people have their own image, unfortunately, and then they go to war about that image. Even when you speak of the soul, some people roll up their eyes: “What do you mean? What is the soul? Where is the soul? All we have is a brain.” So, I feel that it’s easier in today’s world to speak of self-awareness, and inquiry into self-awareness, what we call Atma Vichara. Then, the ramification of spiritual practices is both Atma Vichara and Atma Darshan [true vision of the Self] at the same time. One is not possible without the other, because who or what is doing the vichara of themselves?Q: I think we could continue for a long time. But you have a flight to catch, and we are extremely happy to have these snippets.DC: I am really thrilled to be here. I’m being very honest with you, I have stayed away from the institutionalized guru kingdoms of India. But Daaji is an exception. He doesn’t even call himself a guru. He’s very humble, and he is very devoted to service, which is extraordinary.Q: We’re very thankful, because it’s not just the time but the kind of time you’ve given. It’s extremely encouraging and empowering for young people and take a few cues on how they can lead their lives.DC: Leave them with one message: “Be the change you want to see in the world,” in the words of Mahatma Gandhi.Q: Absolutely. And you’ve done that. Thank you so much.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Truth, awareness, existence are the same thing.&nbsp; We call it sat-chit-ananda, and they’re inseparable, the same thing.</h4><hr>

Are we asking the right questions?

Fascinating life

Pioneer of the future

Ranked #1 in men’s tennis in Asia in the under-14 category; the first player from India to be included in the World Junior Team; co-founder of the Shaishya Tennis Academy, Gujarat, India; these are some of the laurels that Devinder Singh Bhusari has feathered in his cap. In addition to being a very successful tennis player, this young prodigy also received an MBA degree from one of the premier B-schools in India. What keeps him inspired and grounded amidst success and his current work is meditation.

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Devinder Singh Bhusari

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 DEVINDER SINGH BHUSARI made it big on
 the international tennis circuit. In 1999 he was ranked Asian no. 1 in the
 under 14 category, and he has the distinction of being the first ever
 Indian tennis player to be invited by the International Tennis Federation
 (ITF) to be a part of the World Junior Team to the USA in the same year.
 But then, as a young adult, he chose to take his career in tennis in a
 different direction. Today, as part of a team of experts, Devinder
 successfully coaches young talent in the Shaishya Tennis Academy in
 Gujarat, India, and offers counseling to students and their parents. This
 strengthens them in the sport and grooms them to face the challenges of
 life at large.
 </h4>
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 Q: What attracted you to tennis, Devinder? What led you to pursue it as
 a full-time vocation?
 
 
 DSB: My journey as a tennis player, even the career that I am pursuing
 now, started because of my father. He wanted me to be a sportsperson. He
 had wanted to be a cricketer himself, so in a way he wanted to live his
 dream through me. And he wanted me to be a cricketer, and like a lot of
 other Indian kids my journey also started with cricket at the age of
 three-and-a-half. He motivated me, and later on I went into athletics and
 then to tennis. I started playing tennis well, and I played competitive
 tennis at the international level. I think in those years growing up,
 tennis and academics were the only two things that I did.
 
 
 Later on during my postgraduate days, as I was trying to figure out what I
 was really good at or what I would like to do, my heart guided me to
 realize that I really got a kick out of training and mentoring others. So
 after I did my major in human resources, I combined the two things that I
 really wanted to do: training and mentoring young kids and adults and
 tennis. That’s why today I am in this profession of tennis coaching and
 tennis counseling.
 
 
 Q: Did you ever feel pressured, or was there any clash between what you
 wanted to do and what your father wanted you to do?
 
 
 DSB: I was motivated and inspired, actually. He used to put pictures and
 newspaper articles in front of me, or we would watch cricket matches
 together on television, and I would see the laurels that sportspersons got
 for their country and for their friends and families. My father used to
 say, “People usually come into this world and do something just to lead a
 normal life, get married, have children and so on. Your life should be
 different. You should become something.” So that message stuck in my mind
 – that he wanted me to be different, he wanted me to be a sportsperson. I
 liked sports so there was never a clash between what I wanted to do and
 what my father wanted me to do, until I was 21 or 22. I guess since birth
 I was just very obedient to my parents!
 
 
 But at the age of 21 or 22 I had the question: What do I want to do? And
 as I already explained, at the age of 22 I stopped playing competitive
 tennis and started exploring what I really wanted in life. After that
 things changed, I changed – not radically, but I found a balance between
 what my father wanted for me in life and what I want, and kind of combined
 the two. I’m leading a happy life right now!
 
 
 During my MBA, I secured a placement with Indian Oil Corporation. My
 parents were super happy but I was dissatisfied; I wanted to do more. My
 father, especially, wasn’t in favor of me quitting the job. It took six
 months to convince him to let me get into the field of tennis coaching.
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 
 <img
 alt="Bhusari2"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Bhusari2_ab0b44d0af.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T06:44:20.511Z"
 />
 
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 
 Q: Oh, beautiful. So how did you go about finding that balance?
 
 
 DSB: It was very important to know what my strengths were. What is it that
 I really wanted to do in life? I had started practicing meditation at the
 age of 19, while I was doing my Bachelor of Commerce. Meditation helped me
 to be in touch with myself. Of course it helped me on the tennis court,
 but it also helped me off the tennis court, because I came to know who I
 really am, what are my strengths, and what is it that I really like doing.
 
 
 At that point in time I knew a lot of people who were really struggling
 with the question of what to do in life, whereas in my case, the more I
 came to know about myself, the more options actually started opening up.
 So I never felt lost, or had the question, “What am I going to do next?”
 In fact I knew that I could do this, or this, or this. It was all about
 choosing the best option. So that was the beauty of meditation.
 
 
 Q: What is tennis counseling? How do you do it in Shaishya?
 
 
 DSB: When I started, I joined my own coach, Shrimal Bhatt, and began
 coaching with him. At the same time I founded a small firm called Samasam,
 which means ‘balance’ in Sanskrit. Within that I incorporated the idea of
 tennis counseling. Of course now I do counselling and coaching at Shaishya
 Tennis Academy.
 
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 
 <hr />
 <h5 style="text-align: center">
 What I tell my students is that at the end of the day 
 it’s just a sport, it’s just a game. 
 So when I counsel the kids on the mental aspect, 
 there’s a whole set of values that I bring in.
 </h5>
 
 <hr />
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 In tennis, the difference between players at the highest level is a mental
 one. It is not so much physical, it is not so much technical or tactical
 as mental. Experience had taught me that very few people actually train
 kids mentally. And to train kids mentally, you don’t need to necessarily
 do it on a tennis court; it can be done off the tennis court, it can be
 done in an office or a classroom. So I started tennis counseling. In fact,
 if I look back, most of the students who have come back to me for tennis
 coaching are the ones who actually took counseling from me. I counsel the
 kids, the players, and I counsel the parents also on a variety of topics
 like the mental aspect, planning their tennis and tournament schedules,
 and even queries regarding their academics. So it’s more like being a
 tennis doctor.
 
 
 Q: Are there any specific tools or steps that you use, or a curriculum
 that you follow, while counseling your students and their parents,
 especially on the mental front?
 
 
 DSB: That’s a great question. Mostly people look at a game like tennis as
 a physical sport. But it came to me with experience that, at the end of
 the day, it is largely a mental sport. I know so many kids who play well
 during practice, but in a match they just fizzle out; they don’t perform
 well. So how to train these kids on these mental aspects?
 
 
 What I tell my students is that at the end of the day it’s just a sport,
 it’s just a game. So when I counsel the kids on the mental aspect, there’s
 a whole set of values that I bring in. The better character and
 perspective the child has towards life and towards sport, the better
 they’ll do in tournaments and be able to handle the pressure. The pressure
 in tennis, and even in life, comes from misdirected perspectives or
 misdirected ambitions. Tennis is not about winning or losing; a tennis
 match should be able to bring out the best in the child. I think that is
 also what challenges in life are all about. So in counseling sessions, all
 the time we keep reflecting back to what life is all about, and how tennis
 is just a miniature real-life situation without the real-life
 consequences. I am speaking about tennis, but it applies to all sports.
 
 
 Q: Can you share some practical examples of drastic changes in students
 through this type of counseling?
 
 
 DSB: There was an instance where one boy would get very angry on the
 court, and in certain cases he did not have the adequate work ethic or
 willpower to do the exercises. So we started meditation sessions with him
 during the last four months, and there is actually a clear improvement.
 The graph in terms of his efforts and work ethic is only moving upwards.
 He has become so particular about the way he does things, we can see him
 motivated, and he plays at the international level. He is a 16-year-old
 boy playing at the level of international juniors.
 
 
 I have also been fortunate to work with a couple of other players, one of
 whom is a national champion. This boy was in 10th grade, and in one of the
 unit tests leading up to the final board exams he failed, and his parents
 were pretty concerned regarding his future and what to do. So first I
 spoke to the parents without the child, and then we brought the child in
 and worked out a timetable. We worked out the priorities, keeping the
 right perspective and trying to find a balance between his academics and
 tennis. The boy finally did well in his board exams, and then he actually
 went on to win a national title and a couple of back-to-back international
 titles last year.
 
 
 <img
 alt="bhusari3"
 class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bhusari3_fcaf6db4df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T06:45:52.218Z"
 />
 
 
 Q: That’s fantastic. So do you use meditation as a tool regularly in
 your counseling program in the academy?
 
 
 DSB: No, not for every child because most of the children who come to me
 are less than 15 years of age. Lately there is a relaxation technique that
 we have been using on the court sometimes for the kids after the sessions,
 to help them relax, to help them focus. A lot of kids really like it, and
 some of them apply the technique on their own.
 
 
 In fact the reason I took to meditation was that in the middle of a match
 I would get so many thoughts. Some of them were irrelevant, unnecessarily
 putting me under pressure. I think the best way to tackle pressure in a
 tennis match, or in life, is to get your thinking clear, and that is what
 meditation essentially does. Once you are able to regulate your mind in a
 positive direction, most of the things get sorted by themselves.
 
 
 Q: What changes did you observe on and off the court once you started
 meditating?
 
 
 DSB: A lot of things! Some of the small things were: better control over
 my emotions, clearer focused thinking, precision, and better efficiency in
 whatever needs to be done. So that’s at the lower level. But at a higher
 level, you need to have a right perspective towards everything. So I keep
 talking to the parents and to the children about what is the right
 perspective towards tennis. And the right perspective is to take it is as
 a game. There are challenges involved, and the challenges should make us
 better as a person, as a human being.
 
 
 So meditation has given me the right perspective on life, as to what life
 is all about. And once you have the right perspective, it puts all the
 other facets or all the other parts of life in proper place. You are able
 to prioritize very well. I do have a lot of duties, and meditation helps
 me to stay centered, focused, and I am happy and enjoying life.
 
 <h5 style="text-align: justify">To be continued.</h5>
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 <hr />
 <h4 style="text-align: center">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>
 
 <hr />

The mental side of the game - part 1

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 Ace tennis player and coach
 DEVINDER SINGH BHUSARI continues to
 share his insights on the right perspective to sport. Here he talks about
 how to manage stress and pressure on and off court, and brings a whole new
 dimension to the art of competing and the role of parents in encouraging
 their children to accomplish their dreams.
 </h4>
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 Q: What does health and fitness mean to you?
 
 
 DSB: One of the best parts of my journey in Shaishya is that I also deal
 with the coaching of adults. By adults I mean anyone who is over 18 and
 who is learning or playing tennis just for the social or fitness part of
 it. I see so many people take to sport for fitness and wellness – to keep
 the body fit. When I say ‘fitness’ or ‘wellness’, there is of course the
 physical part; you exercise your whole body to ensure that you are able to
 use it very well throughout the day. The other part of wellness, which
 people often miss out, is the mental or the emotional part. I see so many
 players who come to us in the morning to play a competitive set and if
 they lose they are in a bad mood throughout the day. And actually they
 play tennis to start off the day in a good mood. So these are misplaced
 priorities, you know, misdirected ambitions.
 
 
 If you watch tennis matches, sometimes you will see players with a frown
 on their face and clenched muscles. You can see the tension written all
 over their faces. I keep telling my students, “Why can’t you sing a song
 between points?” or “Why can’t the racquet become a guitar for a moment?”
 Why can’t you maintain a sense of humor in the middle of a match?
 
 
 
 <img
 alt="mentalside2"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_2_1_6d8ce2f9bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T10:39:02.195Z"
 />
 Q: That’s such a beautiful perspective, especially towards sport. Can
 you elaborate?
 
 
 DSB: When we talk off-court, the kids who come to me for counseling share
 that they feel a lot of pressure. Normally the fear is of losing. So one
 of the ways they know they are handling the pressure, fear or nervousness
 well on court, is if they can maintain humor, if they can smile. The same
 applies to life also. In life, too, we have our share of challenges. Can
 we smile through them, accepting them cheerfully? So I tell my students,
 “In the middle of matches, can you smile? Or for a few seconds why don’t
 you sing a song under your breath? Because if you can maintain that
 perspective in the middle of the match, we know that you are handling
 pressure well. You are just being yourself, smiling your way through it.”
 That’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Accepting things cheerfully with
 a smile, even when they are tough. And if these kids are going to learn it
 here at such a young age, they will be very well prepared for life – which
 is the beauty of any sport. It prepares you for life.
 
 
 Q: Well, stress is synonymous with sport today all over the globe, and
 this is such a lovely perspective – to keep it light and humorous. Is
 there any other tip that you can share to cope with the stress and
 pressure of competition and stay cool while playing tennis or any other
 sport?
 
 
 DSB: To answer this question I would like to go back a little … My father
 used to give me a lot of books and say, “Treat these books as your
 coaches.” So I used to read a lot, and two or three books have stayed with
 me. One especially stood out, and that is
 The Inner Game of Tennis. It dives deep into your personality,
 what is happening inside of you, the awareness that you should have while
 playing a match. I picked it up from an old bookstore on one of my
 birthdays and it shaped me; and I call it ‘The Bible of Teaching and
 Learning Tennis’.
 
 
 Q: Wow! Who is the author?
 
 
 DSB: It is by W. Timothy Gallwey. The author himself was a tennis player
 and the book was a bestseller. He then went on to found the Inner Game
 Institute (www.theinnergame. com), and subsequently to write other books
 called The Inner Game of Work, The Inner Game of Music with Barry
 Green, and The Inner Game of Golf. It all actually started for
 him with tennis. Another great book is
 The Mental Game – Winning at Pressure Tennis by James E. Loehr,
 who is a pioneer in sports psychology. Some of the things that I have
 shared today with you regarding the right perspective are from this book,
 and I share them in my counseling sessions. I have developed lesson plans
 for a curriculum, for group and individual counseling, from these books
 and also from my own experience, and when any child comes to me with a
 particular problem I have material ready to talk about.
 
 
 Now coming back to your question of handling stress, what I have found to
 be true is that we need some amount of stress or nervousness or pressure,
 which is positive and which is required to get things done. For example,
 if there are no deadlines no work can happen. If there were no exams, many
 kids would not study. And if there were no matches, a lot of kids may not
 think of improving themselves. So this little bit of pressure is required
 to get things going. Some amount of it shows that they care. But many kids
 are happy if they win and sad if they lose. I think that is the wrong
 equation. Not equating winning with happiness needs to be constantly
 reinforced, because parents and others will be happy if they win. If they
 lose they think something is wrong. How do we ensure that the kids are
 still happy even when they lose?
 
 
 Most stress comes because once they enter the court their whole focus is
 on winning the match, proving, “I am better than the opponent.” But there
 have been so many cases where I have won a tennis match and have not felt
 good about it because I didn’t play well. So I keep telling the kids, “If
 you’ve won a match, it only tells you that on that day you played better
 than the other person. It does not mean you are better than the other
 person. There may be other days when your opponent plays better, so you
 have to face that too.” So all this comes down to the fact that you are
 not approaching the sport with the right perspective.
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 <img
 alt="mentalside2"
 class="lazyload w-100 h-auto"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_3_d7c2809a40.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T10:40:09.713Z"
 />
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 At the end of it I ask them to remember that it’s just a game, and you
 play it for fun, fitness and a lot of other benefits, like better
 concentration and other physical abilities. Once they remember that it
 remains the base, and all the negative consequences and complexities they
 develop because of the sport will go away. Then they will start enjoying
 the sport a lot. I mean you can be a champion yet not enjoy the sport. You
 might as well be a happy person, maybe not playing at a high level, but
 that’s completely okay. And if you can play at a high level, always
 keeping a smile on your face, there’s nothing like it. That’s the best!
 
 
 Q: What is the role of ambition in achievement and excellence?
 
 
 DSB: In Human Resource Management we have a theory of external motivation
 vis-àvis internal motivation. When we are children, any example that
 motivates us to do better, to excel, is good, for example, seeing someone
 holding a trophy. But it’s very clear for me when I play a match, that if
 I enter with positive emotions like the desire to excel, to play my best,
 I will also not feel a lot of pressure because I am positively motivated.
 I am negatively motivated when all I want to prove is that I am better
 than the other person. So if ambition is about being number 1 – winning
 this tournament, winning this trophy – if it’s about ranking, it is going
 to put a lot of pressure on the child, which in turn can lead to a lot of
 negative emotions like anger, frustration, nervousness and everything that
 goes with it. This is also what the sports psychologists say.
 
 
 Luckily, in my case, with the books The Inner Game of Tennis and
 The Mental Game, and with meditation, the perspective changed
 from outward to inward. When I look inward – and the ancient Indian
 literature is replete with this saying – I realize that my opponent is not
 someone outside me. Even on the tennis court, my opponent is not actually
 someone who is playing against me. If my opponent is inside me, he has to
 be myself: How can I better myself? How can I defeat the negative
 tendencies that I have within me? How do I overcome the fear and
 nervousness that are there within me? Because I know that if I overcome
 these well, I will be able to respond better to the things my outside
 opponent is challenging me with.
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 <img
 alt="mentalside2"
 class="lazyload w-100 h-auto"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_4_63c5ef752b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T11:04:04.649Z"
 />
 
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 And that is where I believe aspiration comes in, because it is to become
 something inside and not something outside. Outside, the world will take
 care of itself, but if I am becoming a better human being, if I am trying
 to change myself every day, if I am trying to become a positive person and
 find ways to overcome my own negative tendencies, ensuring that I become
 more and more positive, more and more loving and happy on the court, that
 is a sportsman’s spirit. I think those kids who are happy inside and have
 the strength inside are the only ones who are able to show good
 sportsman’s spirit in the most challenging situations.
 
 
 Q: I’m sure that we’re going to come full circle with this question. We
 have been speaking throughout about the right perspective that children
 can have towards sport. Can you share with us your ideas about the
 parents’ perspective while encouraging their children in any
 field?
 
 
 DSB: Since I am also a parent of a three-year-old boy, I keep looking to
 this time and again. I would actually like all parents to encourage their
 children to develop in more than one field, honestly speaking. Academics
 is great, but what else? And I am not speaking just as a sportsperson
 right now. The initial push always comes from the parents because at a
 very young age the child may not have the wisdom to decide. So whether it
 is sports or music or dance or robotics or any of these, the initial push
 always comes from the parents because the child looks up to their parents.
 I think it’s very natural for a child to follow in their parents’
 footsteps and also to make them happy.
 
 
 Having said this, there might be various stages that come in life. For
 example, as a parent you might be the one initiating this, but that
 doesn’t mean you will be the coach throughout. A lot of pressure comes
 when the child tries to meet parents’ expectations. Our job as parents is
 just to give them the initial push, to provide them an environment which
 is supportive, to support them financially, to support them
 wholeheartedly, even if that means investing a little time in it, and to
 be there for the child.
 
 
 You may have a vision or a dream for your child and hopefully your child
 will share that dream, but if they don’t, that should also be okay.
 Because at least that means the child is someone with their own
 perspective, who knows their strengths and what they want out of life. If
 you give them those kinds of values and raise them in the right way, the
 child will take proper direction and will do things that are great for
 them.
 
 
 Q: This dimension that you’ve brought to sport is really wonderful,
 Devinder. Is there anything else you want to add?
 
 
 DSB: We were talking about managing various duties, and this is one part
 of my life where meditation is helping me a lot. In fact, I have been
 struggling with this question for the last two years. A solution came by
 itself: doing all these duties of a Heartfulness trainer, tennis coach,
 counselor and a parent, fits in beautifully with meditation. Just being
 involved with the pursuit of the highest possible goal is taking care of a
 lot of other things.
 
 
 Q: Thank you so much, and I wish you all the very best in your sport
 and in your work as a mentor and trainer.
 
 DSB: Thank you, Meghana.
 <hr class="vertical-space1" />
 
 <a href="//www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/mental-side-game-part-1/"
 >Read previous article</a
 >
 
 
 <hr />
 <h4 style="text-align: center">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>
 
 <hr />

The mental side of the game - part 2

Divya has a background in finance and is an avid traveler as well as a professional Odissi dancer. She has lived and traveled across many countries and enjoys writing about her experiences.

Divya-Chowdhary2.jpg

Divya Chowdhary

<h4>
 DIVYA CHOWDHARY manages to integrate a
 cultural divide in rural Texas, and learn more about herself in the process. She especially shares some useful tips
 for navigating multicultural conversations@work.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



I grew up in a small town in Texas.In fact, it was so small back then that there was nothing but open fields for two
 hours in every direction of the town. The Indian population was negligible, so I pretty much had two choices when I
 moved there: either relate to my Indian background and stand out at school, or learn the ways of my American
 counterparts and blend right into the preteen society.&nbsp;



Naturally, I tried very hard to become completely American, but unknowingly I always attached myself to my Indian
 identity a tad more. It meant I was taught not to question the choices of my parents and elders, and obedience was
 seen as a sign of respect. Although I wasn’t good at this at home (being the more rebellious child), I unconsciously
 gravitated towards this etiquette whenever I was at school, in social gatherings, and eventually at my workplace
 after I graduated college.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



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 <figure><img decoding="async" width="700" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/but_why1_700x467_035ac16343.jpg">
 </figure>
</div>



<a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"
 href="https://www.rawpixel.com/image/3924459">Image</a> by <a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"
 href="https://www.rawpixel.com/">rawpixel.com</a>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



While I may have asked my parents a dozen “why’s” each day, at work I was quiet. I sought to finish the tasks at
 hand, not ask questions, and not question the decisions of my managers. If they wanted a PowerPoint in a certain
 format, maybe that meant they knew best! Who was I to suggest an alternative? I rarely offered my opinions on
 project workstreams. After all, I was new and wanted to be respectful of my manager.



Through several years of constructive feedback, evaluations, and encouragement from various managers, I managed to
 work through this shell. Some folks have suggested that this was a personality change and not the impact of cultural
 differences. I believe otherwise. At home and with friends I was extroverted, opinionated, and energetic. I now know
 that I always wanted to be that same person at work, but my sense of etiquette usually stopped me. Now I know that I
 can respect others while still speaking up for my opinions, thoughts, and ideas.



I did not fully realize how much I had changed until recently. A mid-forties Asian counterpart responded to my ideas
 on a conference call by saying, “You don’t know anything. You are new. Let me tell you how it is done, okay?” At
 first I was shocked into silence. Did he just say that I knew nothing?! Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken up. I was
 upset for a while, then I slowly pieced it together. First, the language barrier was at play. Maybe he didn’t mean
 it so harshly. Second, he could have felt undermined – after all, I was new and he had been around for twenty years.
 Most importantly, however, I acknowledged the cultural aspect. He came from a culture where not questioning and only
 listening is a sign of respect toward those more experienced. He could be unconsciously falling back into that
 cultural pattern, despite efforts to remain more aligned with the American workplace.



This helped me not to judge him. The next time I spoke up, I framed it in a way that showed I valued his input and
 experience. It made a huge difference.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



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 <figure><img decoding="async" width="700" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/but_why2_700x467_1dae01ea0b.jpg">
 </figure>
</div>



<a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"
 href="https://www.rawpixel.com/image/3924469">Image</a> by <a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"
 href="https://www.rawpixel.com/">rawpixel.com</a>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Changing childhood cultural habits can take decades. The most difficult ones are those where we change for specific
 situations, like at work, but are expected to remain unchanged at home. Undoubtedly, it takes versatility and
 practice. Knowing how confusing it can be, in future when I am faced with such a conflict, I will give others the
 benefit of the doubt!



<hr class="vertical-space1">

But why?

<h4>
 DIVYA CHOWDHARY tells us how her young niece
 helped her understand the difference between being nice and being kind. That distinction has been helpful in her
 own application of kindness.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



One of the first things my niece learned to say was, “Be nice.” Ironically, she never said it nicely. It would come
 as a strict reprimand to all of us. My sister-in-law originally taught her these words because she didn’t want her
 saying “Stop” to everything. So, when my niece felt that others were not being nice, she would yell, “Be nice!”



There were countless occasions when she would say this to me, even though I knew I was doing good by her. For
 example, when I would ask her to put away her toys, or tell her not to throw things, and she wasn’t in the mood to
 hear these requests, I was told to be nice. When my nephew threw food across the room, and I would scold him, she
 would be his shining knight in armor and reprimand me with, “Be nice.” It was hilarious at times. I knew I was
 teaching my niece and nephew things that were important and that would benefit them in the long run. It may not have
 been the “nice” thing to hear, but it was good for them. In fact, I was showing them kindness.



Although this story with my niece is a very light-hearted example of nice versus kind, it can be extrapolated into so
 many different aspects of our lives. We have been told growing up to be nice to others, but we don’t hear often
 enough that we can be kind to others. And if we do, we confuse nice with kind, even though there is a distinct
 difference that can impact relationships very differently.



I believe niceness is what we show others when we don’t stand to lose anything in the process, while kindness is what
 we show when we are ready to sacrifice something (time, energy, even another person’s feelings towards us). The
 major distinction is: Are we thinking about what is best for ourselves, or are we thinking about what is best for
 the other person?



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">I believe niceness is what we
 show others when we don’t stand to lose anything in the process, while kindness is what we show when
 we are ready to sacrifice something (time, energy, even another person’s feelings towards us).</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Being nice to others is easy. We can easily hold the door open in a chivalrous manner, not steal from our neighbors,
 and donate unneeded items to the local charity. We are taught to do those things, yet in none of them do we
 sacrifice our comfort or personal items. And, we walk away looking great in the eyes of others! Kindness, on the
 other hand, is a teacher staying an extra hour after school to tutor her students for free, giving helpful
 constructive criticism to someone who could benefit from the feedback, and offering your last sandwich to your
 friend who forgot his food at home when you’re still hungry. In each of those examples, kindness shines through the
 sacrifice of time, personal feelings, and comfort.



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">




<figure><img decoding="async" width="700" height="471" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/nice_kind2_700x471_9cebe45da4.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:56:52.359Z">
</figure>




<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Kindness is honest, selfless,
 and loving. It is fundamental to building trust, which is a building block for a fulfilling
 friendship.</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Another way to look at it is in the types of compliments we pay to others. The first is a “nice” compliment – we
 couldn’t care less what the other person really feels, but we feel obliged to be pleasant. The second is a
 “kind” compliment – we care deeply how the other person will feel, so we feel our hearts signal to us to be
 kind.



At the core, kindness asks us to listen to our hearts, while niceness is a trained mindset. Both are important and
 have their place, and true friendships are built on both, but kindness leads in first place. Kindness is honest,
 selfless, and loving. It is fundamental to building trust, which is a building block for a fulfilling friendship.




<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by MONIKA JURCZYK
</h4>



<hr>

The difference between nice and kind

Divya is a 25-year-old medical student based in New York City. After studying business and doing her time in consulting, she is excited to combine her interests in innovation and investing with healthcare. In her free time, Divya loves to travel, play tennis, and hangout with her dog, Mika.

Divya-Rao-1.jpg

Divya Rao

<h4
 id="h-divya-rao-shares-her-experience-taking-personality-tests-and-how-the-present-generation-s-approach-to-establishing-relationships-might-help-us-solve-problems-in-the-future"
 >
 DIVYA RAO
 shares her experience taking personality tests and how the present
 generation’s approach to establishing relationships might help us
 solve problems in the future.
 </h4>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 &nbsp;“Hi, my name is Rachel, I’m an Entrepreneur (ESTP), and my Zodiac
 sign is Virgo.”
 

 
 My summer program at medical school is focused on advocating for
 children’s health in the face of global warming. It started this week
 with a round of introductions, with each of us stating our names and two
 of our favorite personality indicators.
 

 
 The elderly pulmonologist who was leading our session looked slightly
 bemused, especially when the other physicians happily contributed their
 Zodiac signs and Myers–Briggs types. He laughed, stating that when he
 was a medical student the introductions were definitely very different.
 Indeed, a lot of the people in the session were skeptical about how
 personality tests could be important to our advocacy. The facilitator
 said that understanding ourselves, and each other, would lead to more
 impactful teamwork and, as a result, advocacy.
 

 
 One of my favorite (and most useful) classes at Business School was
 “Communication and Group Dynamics.” Professor Gartenburg would start
 every week by inviting us to take a personality test, often causing the
 group to sigh loudly and roll their eyes. At first, I too was
 skeptical: “How was learning my Enneagram or my NEO score going
 to help me tackle the colossal final project I had creeping up on me.
 Wasn’t my time better spent by studying for my upcoming organic
 chemistry test instead?”
 

 
 It certainly didn’t help that for my group project there was a
 hodgepodge of ten random students, most of whom I had never seen before.
 I resigned myself to just keeping my head down, doing my project as
 quickly as I could, and getting out of there.
 

 
 As our team progressed throughout the semester, we noticed that our
 tests were eerily coming true. Those who were idealists became
 frustrated when we would sit for hours in a basement looking at the
 practical details of implementing our study. The introverts were
 horrified when they were made to present in front of the Eternity
 Management Department.
 

 
 As we began to recognize the dismay of team members, instead of pointing
 fingers at each other or throwing accusations of not being a team
 player, we turned them into our assets. We were able to allocate
 responsibilities based on who would actually enjoy the task, for
 example, putting people on the presentation platform who loved talking
 to a crowd, having those who loved planning in charge of creating our
 outreach schedule, and ensuring that everyone felt supported in their
 roles.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="700"
 height="352"
 alt="know-thyself2"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/know_thyself2_700x352_f6168f7f35.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:37:47.028Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 The most incredible part of the class was not the fact that we were
 invited to present our findings to the board of the museum we were
 working with, but the fact that we became best friends. Despite our
 group being very diverse, we came out knowing each other better than we
 knew some of our friends.
 

 
 Now, one of the most powerful aspects of the personality tests is that
 sometimes we disagreed wholeheartedly with our results. We were,
 however, able to reflect on ourselves while we took the tests (even
 after), to see what we loved, what we hated, and what made us tick. It
 gave us the tools to truly understand ourselves and each other. Even
 though some people may laugh at the obsession we have with personality
 tests, journaling, or self-reflection, it is these very attributes that
 set us apart from previous generations.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 We may not have all the answers, but I truly believe our
 generation’s empathy, 
 ability to self-reflect, and softness for one another and
 ourselves, 
 is what will allow us to tackle all the hurdles in front of us.
 
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 We may not have all the answers, but I truly believe our generation’s
 empathy, ability to self-reflect, and softness for one another and
 ourselves, is what will allow us to tackle all the hurdles in front of
 us. So here’s to working together for our future. From your favorite
 ESFP, Enneagram 3, Pisces.

Know thyself: take a personality test!

Diya-Muralishankar.jpg

Diya Muralishankar

<hr><h4>DIYA MURALISHANKAR shares her love of painting, baking and generally being confident in expressing herself and her feelings.</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Diya_Muralishankar_7ccd64cd7a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T07:12:30.582Z" alt="you-are-your-only-competition">As teenagers, we’re plagued with questions about our existence, but all I’ve ever known for sure is that I was created to express myself freely. At some point in my childhood I picked up a crayon like every other child, the only difference being that I couldn’t put it down after that. My love for art later translated into a love for baking because I see cakes as edible art.Both of these started as random flashes of inspiration, either from a book, a movie or an incident in my life, and gradually turned into a form of self expression. But it didn’t start out great. I burned numerous batches of brownies, as well as my mother’s favorite tablecloth, and once I dyed my cupcakes a sickly shade of green so that no one could bear to eat them. My hands were stained with paint multiple times and we once extracted dried glue from my hair.With some practice, art and baking went from being mere hobbies to a way of life. I found comfort in my brush strokes and satisfaction in the happy smiles of the people who ate my goods. Having just one hobby is never enough – the world is too exciting a place for that! However, all my hobbies, including art, baking and singing, revolve around creating something from nothing, something unique that portrays my individuality.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/competition2_8832470c38.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T07:14:37.135Z" alt="you-are-your-only-competition">As I got older, doing all this for myself wasn’t enough, so I started hosting Bake Sales along with a couple of my friends. We raised money for a charity that helps less fortunate young women of my age to lead a life of dignity and freedom by providing them with a year’s worth of sanitary pads and hygiene products. As for my art, I started painting for my loved ones, because gifting them a painting or a sketch felt like sharing a piece of myself with them. I’d like to thank all my loved ones for keeping my artwork no matter how strange it is.My art teacher was one of the main reasons I never lost hope in my work, even in the face of high competition. He saw something in me that I didn’t, so I held on to that and trusted his judgment.Tapping into my own potential has always been challenging, because creative hobbies are often accompanied by self doubt. However, it gets easier once you realize that comparing your work with that of others is pointless. Their work reflects who they are and not who you are. Every experience in your life shapes you into the unique person that you are, so your true competition can only be with yourself, helping you learn from your mistakes to make yourself a better person.So be proud of that lopsided cake, that funky painting, because confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by DIYA MURALISHANKAR</h4><hr>

You are your only competition

Dmitri Mendeleev

Peace@work

Donald Miller

Accept people for who they are

After many deeply-satisfying years in non-profit management, Donna spends her time blogging about the power of kindness, and always looks for ways to convey the power of stories. She believes that we can change the world through our stories, and through kindness. Her new book is called A Year of Living Kindly.

donna-cameron.jpg

Donna Cameron

<h4>
 DONNA CAMERON is the author of
 A Year of Living Kindly. Here she reflects on the importance of
 creating space between stimulus and response in everyday life, learning
 to master the art of the pause.
 </h4>
 
 “Human freedom involves&nbsp;our capacity to pause, 
 to choose the one response toward&nbsp;which we wish to throw our
 weight.” 
 —Rollo May
 
 
 Some time ago, a friend happened to be looking at the huge collection of
 quotations I have tacked to a bulletin board covering one wall of my
 den. Inexplicably, she started to cry. Then she grabbed a pen from her
 purse and copied down this quotation from author and Holocaust survivor
 Viktor Frankl:
 
 
 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. 
 In that space is our power to choose our response. 
 In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
 
 
 “That’s it exactly,” she explained. “Whenever I’m tempted to take a
 drink, I need to pause in that space between stimulus and response. If I
 stop and think about it, I won’t drink. If I don’t, I slip and have a
 drink.” 
 I knew my friend was in AA and that sobriety was still a struggle for
 her.
 
 
 I thought about Frankl’s words and saw how many things they applied to.
 Not just alcohol, but overeating, smoking, spending … any number of
 actions we take automatically with little or no thought. We allow an
 addiction or a learned response to overtake our free will. And, as
 Frankl describes, each time we don’t give in to the reflex response, we
 grow and claim our own precious freedom a little more.
 
 
 His wise words are just as relevant to kindness. Approaching the post
 office not long ago, I saw a man blast his horn at a woman whose car was
 blocking his exit. When she didn’t move quickly, he blasted it again,
 and then a third time, even louder and longer.
 
 
 I’d like to think that if he had paused, perhaps he would have chosen a
 different response. Maybe he would have shrugged and looked at his watch
 and said, “I’ve got time.” Or maybe he would have tried for a quick tap
 on the horn to alert her to his car, instead of three sharp and
 aggressive blasts.
 
 
 I know I’ve been guilty of speaking sharply in response to someone
 else’s rudeness or bad behavior. But that’s their behavior. It becomes
 mine if I let their rudeness provoke me to similar conduct. I don’t have
 to do that. I have a choice. When I react in kind, it doesn’t improve
 the situation, and it doesn’t make me feel any better.
 
 
 <img
 class="has-img-center lazyload w-100 h-auto"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pause2_de4f673a07.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T10:46:21.925Z"
 alt="pause2"
 />
 
 
 I also know that when I snap back at someone (as often as not, my
 spouse), it’s because I’m tired, feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, or – I
 admit it – hungry. A timely pause can prevent me from saying or doing
 something I’ll later regret. It maintains harmony. A timely pause
 enables me to adjust my course and be the person I want to be. It’s one
 of those lessons we learn and relearn over and over, until finally the
 pause becomes the automatic response.
 
 <hr />
 <h5 style="text-align: center">
 A pause may give way to understanding; 
 it may silence hurtful words; it may avert a broken heart. 
 Instead of speaking or acting in instant response, 
 taking the time to pause and think about what I want my
 response 
 to activate – and why – has been transformative.
 </h5>
 <hr />
 
 There’s a reason why our mothers used to tell us to stop and count to
 ten when we got angry. It’s the power of the pause. There are things
 that need to be said and things that don’t need to be said. If we pause
 to think before we speak, we generally know the difference.
 
 
 Rotarians have the right idea. Rotary International – the service
 organization focused on human rights around the world – has a
 four-question test that helps members decide whether and how to act or
 speak. Before responding, they consider:
 
 Is it the truth?
 Is it fair to all concerned?
 Will it build goodwill and friendship?
 Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
 
 If the answer to any of these questions is no, they keep silent. Wise
 people, those Rotarians. Politicians could learn a lot from them.
 
 
 There is enormous power in something as simple as a pause. It allows us
 to delay long enough to decide if the action we’re contemplating will
 really get the result we want. Sometimes, when we hit pause, we
 recognize that we should make that pause permanent and simply do
 nothing, say nothing. The pause gives us the gift of grace.
 
 
 There is another time when the pause is a gift we offer ourselves – a
 gift of appreciation. Next time you perform an act of kindness, or you
 are the beneficiary of one, or you simply witness a kindness, pause and
 notice all the good things you are feeling. A pause allows us to
 acknowledge the importance of kindness in our lives, and to reaffirm the
 choice we have made to walk the path of kindness.
 
 
 I would put the power of the pause up against the power of the Hoover
 Dam. It’s that big. A pause may give way to understanding; it may
 silence hurtful words; it may avert a broken heart. Instead of speaking
 or acting in instant response, taking the time to pause and think about
 what I want my response to activate – and why – has been transformative.
 In the space of that brief pause, I might totally change my reaction, or
 perhaps decide not to respond at all. That pause has always guided me to
 a better place.
 
 
 A pause is not a vacant space. It’s a place of enormous potential and
 growth. It’s where we choose who we will be in this moment, and the
 next.
 
 
 Kindness in Action:
 
 
 Can you recall a situation where pausing before responding might have
 brought about a better outcome? Are there times when you know you are
 most likely to respond sharply or unkindly – such as when you are
 tired or frightened? Would a well-timed pause be welcome here? Set an
 intention to pause the next time your buttons are pushed. And the next
 time you experience or witness a kindness, pause to notice how it
 makes you feel.
 
 Reprinted with permission from the author.
 
 <img
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/livingkindly_8f059a2c94.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T10:47:01.216Z"
 alt="livingkindly"
 />
 
 
 <a
 href="https://ayearoflivingkindly.com/"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noopener noreferrer"
 >https://ayearoflivingkindly.com/</a
 >
 
 <hr />
 <h4 style="text-align: center">Article by DONNA CAMERON</h4>
 <hr />

The power of the pause

<h4>DONNA CAMERON is the author of A Year of Living Kindly. In this
 chapter from her book, she explores the significance of gratitude in daily life.</h4>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life 
 is thank you, it will be enough.” 
 
 Meister Eckhart
</h5>
Many countries and cultures have holidays devoted to gratitude. Americans and Canadians
 celebrate Thanksgiving, though not on the same dates. It is an opportunity for us to pause and acknowledge our
 countries’ heritage and all we – collectively and individually – have to be thankful for. Ideally, we should be
 doing this every day of our lives, but sometimes business and busyness crowd out gratitude.
Throughout my year of living kindly, I noticed over and over that kindness and gratitude
 go hand in hand and augment one another. This is never more evident to me as when I spend time in Nature. Whether
 I’m hiking, relaxing on my deck with its view of the Cascade Mountains, or strolling my neighborhood, I often feel
 my heart opening to the nature around me – the flight and song of birds, the vast variety of trees and the way they
 change with the seasons, the surge of the creek in winter and its lazy amble in summer, the deer that visit our yard
 to nibble on the fallen apples. These things make me want to give back to the Earth and to my community.
I was attending a weekend conference in Pittsburgh during my year of living kindly. It
 was late May, and the weather was glorious. I had a free afternoon, so I walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench
 with a book. I divided my time between reading and appreciating the sights around me. The park was like a living
 organism – children playing on the lawn, couples strolling hand in hand, squirrels, dogs, flowers, and endless
 varieties of trees and birds. I remember feeling the overwhelming sense of how blessed I was to be able to
 experience it all – the park, the conference, the travel, the people I was meeting, and the ideas I was
 encountering. Gratitude filled every pore.
After a while, I walked to a local restaurant and ordered lunch. From my seat, I could
 still see the activity of the park and the bustle of Pittsburgh’s busy streets. I asked the waitress to box up my
 fruit salad and the remaining half of my sandwich, thinking they would make a fine dinner. Walking back toward my
 hotel, I felt the fullness of my life and the amazing privilege of when, where, and how I am living. A block or so
 from my hotel, I noticed an elderly man slumped in a wheelchair. At his side was a can with a few coins in it and a
 small cardboard sign with lettering that said, ‘Please help’.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">Throughout my year of living kindly, 
 I noticed over and over that kindness 
 and gratitude go hand in hand and augment one another.
</h5>
<hr>
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gratitude_compassion2_min_cdba7ae246.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:04:48.643Z">

I stopped and greeted him. Then I said, “I have half a turkey sandwich here and some
 fruit salad. Would you like them?” 
 His eyes widened and he said, “I surely would.” 
 I handed the restaurant bag to him and reached into my purse for a couple of dollars, which I also handed him. We
 talked for a minute or two, and I noticed how his eyes held a lively twinkle. When I resumed my walk toward my
 hotel, I felt even lighter and happier than I had before. My brief interaction with the man had felt good. While I’m
 sure he appreciated the sandwich and the few dollars I handed him, I sensed that even more, he appreciated being
 seen. He was used to people averting their eyes, ignoring him as they quickly walked by, even occasionally dropping
 some change or a couple of dollars into his can but then rushing off without a word. The gratitude I had been
 feeling opened me to extending a kindness and offering not just the gift of food or money, but the gift of my
 genuine attention. There was no question in my mind, though, that I had received the greater gift that afternoon.

I saw that when I am in touch with my gratitude, kindness flows naturally and
 effortlessly. If kindness feels hard to summon, I’ve learned that taking a moment to appreciate my surroundings, my
 friends and loved ones, or little things that fill me with delight, inspires a surge of kindness.
I’ve come to see that there are many ways that kindness and gratitude together produce
 almost alchemical results.
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">SLOWING DOWN</h4>
Both gratitude and kindness ask us to slow down. Slowing down isn’t always easy in our
 overscheduled and overactive lives. I often feel like I’m rushing from one deadline to the next, one obligation to
 the next, ruled by a lengthy to-do list. But slowing down is essential if we are to notice and appreciate the
 sunrise, the crocuses bursting forth, the birds circling overhead like ice-skaters with wings. And slowing down is
 essential if we are to notice the smile on the cashier’s face, the door held open for us, or the myriad
 opportunities before us each day to extend our own kindnesses.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">I’ve learned that taking a moment 
 to appreciate my surroundings, 
 my friends and loved ones, 
 or little things that fill me with delight, 
 inspires a surge of kindness.
</h5>
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">AN OPEN HEART</h4>
When I experience gratitude, my heart feels open. It is a feeling of abundance and
 sufficiency. This is all I need. It is also a feeling of presence – what happened five minutes ago doesn’t matter,
 and what will happen five minutes from now doesn’t matter. I am in the moment.
Likewise, the experience of kindness – whether given, received, or even just witnessed –
 opens my heart and allows me to feel fully present in the moment. For that brief moment, kindness is all that
 matters. It reminds me of one of my very favorite quotes, by Henry James: “Three things in human life are important.
 The first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
Abundance is also a companion of kindness. If we believe we are enough, we can easily
 believe we have enough. Both of these beliefs help us to reserve judgment and extend kindness. And that sense of
 abundance, whether related to gratitude or kindness – or most likely, both – inspires us to be generous with our
 time, our words, our deeds, and our resources.
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gratitude_compassion3_min_1aab042a9c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:05:58.111Z">

<h4 style="text-align: justify;">NEGATIVE EMOTIONS</h4>
I’ve found that it’s difficult to be angry or fearful when one experiences gratitude. If
 my heart is grateful, I feel no need to summon ire if I am cut off in traffic or spoken to harshly. I’m less likely
 to be frightened by a new or daunting situation. Perhaps there’s simply no space for these emotions when I am filled
 with gratitude, or maybe gratitude has a way of neutralizing the effects of these negative emotions.
This belief is often challenged when I hear about the most recent terrorist attack or
 the latest mass shooting. Those events spawn fear and anger, not just in the people directly affected, but in people
 all over the world. While there may also be gratitude that one’s family and friends were spared, and gratitude for
 the outpouring of support for the victims, can gratitude completely rout the fear and anger? I think not. But maybe
 there can be moments when gratitude at least overrides fear and lets us see that there is much to appreciate, even
 in the midst of terror attacks, natural disasters, or personal catastrophe. Maybe it’s gratitude that helps us
 recover from the worst things that can befall us.
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gratitude_compassion4_min_d36e8086db.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:08:22.710Z">

<h4 style="text-align: justify;">SERVICE TO THE PLANET</h4>
When we are grateful for something, our instinct is to protect and defend it. If we
 stand in awe at the edge of the ocean, or if we marvel at the canopy of trees above us as we hike through the nearby
 hills, our natural desire is to shield them from harm, to assure that they will always be there for us and for
 future generations to appreciate. Our gratitude puts us in service to life – what could be more important?
Kindness, too, places us in service to life. We feel a physical connection to our
 surroundings and to the people around us when we engage in kind acts. Both the acts and the sense of connection are
 our acknowledgment that the ultimate kindness is to honor the earth and our fellow inhabitants – human and
 otherwise. A healthy planet and sustainable practices are the kindest gifts we can offer one another and the
 generations that follow us.
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">GRATITUDE PRACTICES</h4>
It’s lovely if gratitude comes to us frequently and effortlessly, but that is not always
 the case. Gratitude, like kindness, tennis, or piano-playing, is strengthened with practice. The more we do it, the
 more we experience it, and the better we become at expressing it. If you do an online search for ‘gratitude
 practices’ you will find countless suggestions, from daily meditation, to keeping a gratitude journal, to prayer. I
 try to spend a few moments each morning before I get up thinking about the things I have to be grateful for. Another
 creative approach is to create ‘trigger’ occasions that you use to establish a habit of gratitude. For example,
 every time you stop at a red light, use the moment to think of something you’re grateful for.
<img decoding="async" class="w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gratitude_compassion5_min_d9dbd603c0.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:07:21.169Z">

There’s another splendid gratitude practice that I love and practice occasionally.
 Physician and teacher Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen teaches this exercise that she learned from anthropologist Angeles
 Arrien. It’s simple and takes very little time. Here’s all you do:
At the end of each day, sit down for a few minutes and answer these questions:
What surprised me today? 
 What moved or touched me today? 
 What inspired me today?
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">When I experience gratitude, 
 my heart feels open. 
 It is a feeling of abundance and sufficiency. 
 This is all I need.
</h5>
<hr>
Your answers can be just a few words. What you’re trying to do is summon the memory of
 things that moved you.
As Dr. Remen describes, “The most interesting thing happens, then. Often people are
 surprised eight or nine hours after something happens when they look back on it deliberately. But [by doing this
 exercise] that gap shortens until eventually they are able to see in the very moment what surprises them, what
 touches them, and what inspires them. And then everything changes. The world has not changed, but they have begun to
 be able to see the world, and they can communicate that experience. … It changes everything. It’s a question of
 paying attention.”
It’s true. At first this is difficult. You may come up blank day after day. “Nothing
 surprised me,” or “Nothing inspired me.” But if you keep searching, you will think of something. “Oh, yes, I was
 touched when I saw those children playing in the park.” And just as Dr. Remen says, with practice you begin to
 notice things that touch or surprise or inspire you the moment they happen. That creates an enduring state of
 gratitude, not to mention presence.
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><img decoding="async" class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gratitude_compassion6_min_2e808fe895.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:10:08.765Z">
</h4>
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is taking the time to think about what
 we are grateful for – both the obvious and the small, hidden, even quirky things that enrich life. Daily recognition
 of the multitude of big and little things we have to be grateful for is a wonderful way to live in perpetual
 thanksgiving.
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">KINDNESS IN ACTION</h4>
Make an effort to say ‘thank you’ more often in your daily interactions, and when you
 say it, mean it.
If you don’t already have one, think about a daily gratitude practice that will work for
 you – a gratitude journal, a few moments of reflection, a trigger activity, perhaps Rachel Remen’s simple exercise –
 then try it for three weeks. Notice whether it changes your awareness of how many things there are in your life to
 be grateful for. Notice also if it makes you more aware of kindness – your own and others’.
If you find yourself in a situation that may provoke anger or fear, try summoning
 gratitude to counteract their effects. Talk about gratitude with your family. Perhaps make it a game at the dinner
 table, or when you’re on a long drive, to name all the things you have to be grateful for.
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by DONNA CAMERON</h4>
<hr>

Gratitude is a companion to kindness

<h4>DONNA CAMERON explores the beauty that vulnerability brings and its connection
 with kindness. She also shares her own personal experience of vulnerability and how it has changed her life for the
 better.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
A gift is like a seed; it is not an impressive
 thing. 
 It is what can grow from the seed that is impressive. 
 If we wait until our seed becomes a tree before we offer it, 
 we will wait and wait, and the seed will die from lack of planting.
 … 
 The miracle is not just the gift;&nbsp;the
 miracle is in the offering, 
 for if we do not offer, who will?

—WAYNE MULLER
<hr class="vertical-space1">
In high-tech parlance, vulnerability refers to a weakness or flaw that allows an
 attacker to access a computer without the owner’s permission. In human terms, vulnerability describes our
 susceptibility to being wounded or injured, and also the state of being exposed – to danger, illness, or criticism.
 For many of us, vulnerability implies weakness. It is something to be avoided.
But is it? Vulnerability may be our way of opening ourselves to the world, and trusting
 that it is not against us. It may be our way of embracing mystery and not pushing the unknown or the unseen away
 from us. It may be the truest way of saying “yes” to our lives.
In a relationship, we may be vulnerable when we are first to say “I love you,” or when
 we admit we don’t know something, or that we need help. Our comfort and security are threatened by the “power” we
 believe we have given the other person. Will he say he loves me back? Will she take advantage of my weakness if I
 ask for help? Yes, those fears are real. But another way to look at them is to recognize the strength they reveal
 and to take ownership of that strength. There is no shame in loving, even if the other person doesn’t love me back.
 There is no shame in asking for help, even if it isn’t given. The weakness is in burying our feelings or denying our
 need.
Dr. Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, describes how
 vulnerability is a trait that wholehearted people share. As she explains in a remarkable TED Talk and in her
 audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Connection, and Courage, vulnerability is
 the courage to be imperfect, to do something where there are no guarantees, and to let go of who we think we should
 be in order to be what we really are. With this willingness, we “allow ourselves to be seen,” with all our
 imperfections, in order to fully embrace our lives. Dr. Brown further explains that many of us erroneously believe
 that we can selectively numb our emotions; that we can stifle grief, shame, fear, and disappointment while fully
 retaining our joy, gratitude, and happiness. It doesn’t work that way. If we suppress the negative emotions, we do
 the same to the positive ones. Accepting our vulnerability and living wholeheartedly means understanding that the
 good, the bad, and even the ugly are what make us authentic and beautiful. That place of vulnerability, she says, is
 the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.
<div class="text-center">
 <img alt="kindness-and-vulnerability" class="lazyload has-img-center mb-4"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Kindness2_2227d7e963.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:02:57.953Z">
</div>
Whether we’re committing to love, or art, or business, or kindness, we must have the courage to do it wholeheartedly,
 in spite of the fact that we know there will always be those who find us lacking. Knowing this is incredibly
 freeing! We can’t please everyone. Not ever. So we need to stop trying and focus instead on being who we are meant
 to be.
The more I think about it, the more deeply I see the connection between kindness and vulnerability. I’ve talked
 before about the difference between being kind and being nice. Nice does not require me to be vulnerable. I can be
 nice without risk, and without exposing too much of myself. I can be nice without making a connection, or without
 really caring whether or not you benefit from the encounter. Nice, while pleasant, doesn’t require sincerity or
 commitment. When I’m nice, I remain safe, guarded from exposure.
Kind is very different. Kind means connecting; it means being aware and intentional about the impact my words and
 actions have; it means expending energy and effort, and caring about the outcome. It means exposing my truest self
 in all my imperfections. It also means suspending judgments and accepting people as they are. Kind can be messy, and
 it may take me to places where I am awkward, clumsy, and tongue-tied. Kindness requires me to take risks. In short,
 kindness requires me to be vulnerable.
<div class="text-center">
 <img alt="kindness-and-vulnerability" class="lazyload has-img-center mb-4"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Kindness3_47c461c863.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:03:40.595Z">
</div>
Since making a commitment to living kindly, I have tried to replace nice with kind. The distinction may not have been
 noticeable to anyone but me. But my noticing it is really all that matters. Whether acknowledging someone’s
 assistance, explaining a new process, or giving a couple of dollars to someone in need, I try to make a connection,
 even if it’s only fleeting. Taking the time to make eye contact, exchange a few words, and convey that I see a
 person and recognize their value – these small actions convey our shared humanity and our shared vulnerability. It
 feels good.
My upbringing – and I suspect I am not alone in this – was one where I was encouraged to be smart. Grades were
 important to my parents, and I was rewarded for good ones. Poor grades (that is, anything less than an A) were a
 disappointment, and I dreaded the thought of disappointing my parents. Being smart and being right became important
 to my identity. School and career generally reinforced the importance of those qualities. There came a point,
 though, when I started to see that I wasn’t always smart, and I certainly wasn’t always right. At first, this felt
 threatening. If I admit how little I know about this subject or this new technology, will people assume I’m
 ignorant? Will I be giving up some imaginary advantage I have? It took both courage and a willingness to be
 vulnerable to start saying, “I don’t understand,” or “Please show me how this works.” It took even more to ask to be
 shown again when the first lesson didn’t “take.”
Rather than judging me harshly, I saw that people welcomed my questions. They appreciated the opportunity to share
 knowledge in areas where they excelled. I learned to ask questions that deepened my understanding. I breathed a sigh
 of relief that I was not expected to know everything, understand everything, or always be right. I didn’t have to
 fake knowledge I didn’t have. I was surrounded by smart people and, in aggregate, we were very, very smart. The
 other thing I saw when I was willing to show my vulnerability and admit my ignorance or inexperience was that others
 seemed more comfortable coming to me to either ask my help or admit when they needed help. 
 I think it must be very lonely to feel you must always have the answers or be the smartest person in the room.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">To make that deep connection, 
 we have to allow ourselves to be seen. 
 That means having the courage to be imperfect, 
 to expose our flaws, 
 and the willingness to be vulnerable.
</h5>
<hr>
There is even a vulnerability to writing or speaking about kindness, and inviting people to read or hear my thoughts.
 Sharing my deepest thoughts – what matters most to me – opens me to their judgment, perhaps to criticism. Beyond
 that, am I saying too much about myself? Too little? Am I pontificating (oh, I hope not!)? Has it all been said
 before and said better? Am I missing the point entirely?
If I allow myself to be vulnerable, the answer is that it doesn’t matter. As Brené Brown eloquently explains,
 connection is why we’re all here, sharing this planet, and it’s what gives meaning and purpose to our lives.
You may feel awkward, exposed, or uncomfortable when you first start heeding the call to kindness. Good! That means
 you’ve tapped into your vulnerability. Embrace it, and keep allowing your kindness to grow.
Living our most authentic life, whatever that means to each of us, requires that we let go of our shield and lower
 our guard, and that we embrace our flaws and our vulnerability. For me – and perhaps for you – it’s choosing
 kindness. It’s scary, but the rewards of living an authentic life are beyond measure.
<hr>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">Kindness in Action</h3>
<img alt="kindness-and-vulnerability" class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Kindness4_ba06e48490.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:04:23.353Z">Can you think of a time when you felt vulnerable? Recall the situation and your
 response.
Did you back away to “safety”? Or did you forge ahead?
Either way, try to imagine the outcome of the situation had you done the opposite of
 what you did. Maybe it feels better, or maybe worse, but can you feel the strength of your response when you
 accept your vulnerability?
Think about the you that most people see: Is that person authentic and real, or are you
 projecting only what you think they want to see, or what you feel safe allowing to be seen?
What is your relationship to perfection? Do you strive for it, or do you recognize that
 perfection is a myth that keeps us from being the interesting, contradictory, and often messy human beings that
 we all are at our core?
Are there messages you received as a child that no longer serve you but that you
 continue to hold onto?
If you’re a parent, do the messages your children receive encourage them to be
 authentic and vulnerable, or to strive for impossible perfection?
<hr>
If you haven’t seen Brené Brown’s TED Talk, make yourself a cup of tea and google it. It will be a very worthwhile
 twenty minutes!
Reprinted with permission from the author, from her book, A Year of Living
 Kindly.
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by DONNA CAMERON 
 Illustrations by JASMEE RATHOD</h4>
<hr>

Kindness and vulnerability

Dorit is a German filmmaker, producer, and author, who first traveled to India to meet Babuji in 1978. She has been a Heartfulness practitioner and trainer for over 40 years.

Dorit Vaarning

<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h4>DORIT VAARNING first traveled to India to meet Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur in 1978. She shares some of her experiences of being with this humble, insignificant being, who is known to many as Babuji.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
It is a bit difficult to tell stories about Babuji, because I have the feeling that my stories tell more about myself than about him. For, after all, who is he? What I could see was only what I was capable of realizing, and what he permitted me to see.
The second time I visited him, his head became transparent to me and inside I saw planets moving, following their courses according to the cosmic law. It was like looking into a watch. And though this vision was limited to the inside of his head, I was gazing, like through a window, into the unlimited universe itself. The following time I came to Babuji, I saw his head like an open bowl in which there was nothing.
I remember one day he was sitting in his chair with a big flock of people around him, filling the terrace. I came late, and since the only place left was at his feet, I was ordered to sit there. Then we started to ask questions. 
I asked, “What is love?” 
Babuji created a beautiful image for us: “Love is what is alive when a flower blooms, and will never come again when the flower closes.” 
The second part of this definition disturbed me deeply, so I asked, “But does love have to go away? Can it also stay?” 
Babuji looked down at me tenderly and said softly, “Yes, it can come and stay forever.”
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<h5 style="text-align: center;">Love is craving for Reality. 
Opening yourself 
to Reality 
and Divinity is love.</h5>
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Then Babuji gave his final definition: “Love is craving for Reality. Opening yourself to Reality and Divinity is love.”
After some time I asked, “What is grace?” 
Again those soft tender eyes met mine and he said with a smile, “Grace is sweetness of mind.” 
My heart melted in the love of his eyes, and I could only sigh. 
Babuji seemed to think over it again, and confirmed, “Yes, it is correct.”
Then another question came to me: “Babuji, what is passion?” 
He answered as if making a rhyme, “Excitement in fashion is passion.” 
Then he put on a doubtful face, “It’s not correct,” he said. But then he came back to the same idea.
“Babuji, what is sin?” 
“Improper adjustment of things.”
Babuji was the most original, poetic and humorously meaningful person one can imagine. Once in Munich in 1980, I asked him, “Babuji, what about divine intoxication?” 
And he answered, “Well, I may not say anything against it, since I myself am a smoker!” Then after a while he asked me suddenly, “Why don’t you just jump into the infinite ocean?”
One evening in Copenhagen, also in 1980, people had gathered in his bedroom to spend those cozy evening hours with him when generally he would be in the mood to talk. That evening he was sitting up in bed in front of everyone, totally ready for a conversation full of wisdom and laughter. But no word was being spoken. Babuji looked here and there, obviously up to something, but kept quiet.
After some time, he looked around with an apologetic look: “No thought coming,” he exclaimed. 
Silence again all over. Suddenly, he rose up as if some event had happened. 
“That was a thought!” he exclaimed, and stared at something invisible, like gazing at a shooting star. This went on for a while, Babuji being in quite a humorous mood. Finally he remarked, with the most humble, timid look you can imagine, “A thought is a vibration from the Divine, not from such a low being like me.” 
And very small, with a shy smile, he lay down in his pillows.
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<h5 style="text-align: center;">I asked him what saintliness was. 
He replied, “Gentlemanliness, humility. 
One who only gives and never asks 
for anything in return.”</h5>
<hr>
During Babuji’s visit to South Africa in 1981, someone asked, “What is the correct behavior after one has hurt somebody?” 
He answered, “To be in yourself. That is something within.”
“Should we avoid hurting others at all costs?” 
“Medium, moderation. Avoid giving trouble to others. That is a divine dictate. Not to hurt others is the greatest religion. I am not like a wasp that if somebody steps on it will sting. If somebody steps on me, I’ll be crushed and die. … you should never hurt the feelings of other hearts. You should play the defensive part, not the offensive one. When self is involved, defense is right.”
<img class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/one_who_only_gives2_img_82b97e3236.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T07:16:30.028Z" /> 

During those last hours with him in South Africa, I asked him what saintliness was. 
He replied, “Gentlemanliness, humility. One who only gives and never asks for anything in return.”
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<h6>Excerpt from ‘All Was Drowned in Divinity’ from the book Tears &amp; Laughter : Encounters With a Spiritual Master, 1st edition, 1990, edited by A.J. Born, Shri Ram Chandra Mission, India.</h6>
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by&nbsp;DORIT VAARNING</h4>
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